In their hands

Well, unless it goes to arbitration, I am done with this seniority thing. I presented my case to the board in an executive session yesterday. They deliberated for 45 minutes, invited me back in and told me that they were deferring their decision until they could meet with the guild for some negotiation.

I think in plain English that it means they see my point and want to try to work something out so I don't lose 21 months of seniority. What it means is that the guild doesn't win! Yay me!! One of the Board members told me "you won your argument" the Director told me I did a nice job, very professional, unemotional, straightforward etc. And other staff said they heard from the director what a great job I did.

All I can says is "whew" I am glad its over (for now) and that I kept on keeping on. Not getting bullied by the guild. You know, that organization that isn't supposed to discriminate against employees, yeah that one. (okay, oops, I got sarcastic)


Yay me. Now I just have to sit tight and wait for the Board to do what ever it is they will do.

What now?

First things first:
It is national Telecommunicator Week. What is that you ask? Glad you asked! It's kind of like national Grandparents Day; a reason to thank and celebrate telecommunicators. What is a Telecommunicator you ask? Your local police department, sheriffs office and state or highway patrol have them, we are mostly known as Dispatchers. If you can, send a note to thank your local dispatchers for all their hard work round the clock. They deserve it. I took my son to our office yesterday, he gave a sticker to everyone working and said "thanks for being a good dispatcher" it was really cute.

Easter:
My disposition didn't improve any after a nap or better food (you were right on Seeker). I continued to be Mrs. Cranky Pants all weekend. We made it through, but it wasn't our best weekend ever.

Sick:
The kids continue to be sick. Runny nose and stuff like that. I think they have some mild allergies, everything is in bloom around here but it's getting old wiping runny noses. Not to mention the consistency of baby snot. Its like rubber cement. And it just keeps coming out her nose.

My Honey:
My Honey was also sick this past week. It started with some back pain and then worked its way into indigestion. For most relatively healthy 39 year olds it wouldn't raise red flags, but My Honey had a heart attack 2 years and a week ago. His main symptom? BACK PAIN. He was not your classic heart attack in many ways; 37 years old, no chest pain, no difficulty breathing. So we have watched his back pain all week and then throw nausea/indigestion on top of it and we were both a little stressed. So we visited the ER last night. 2 1/2 hours later we left with a prescription for a pretty heavy duty pain killer and the relief that his heart continues to work fine. We decided it would be really convenient if there was an EKG machine at Safeway like the blood pressure machines so we could just drive down and check his rhythms. Not likely to happen any time soon is it?

Work:
I am still in the midst of this seniority battle with the employee guild at work. I have to present my case to the Board of Directors tomorrow. *deep breath* It probably won't get me the 21 months back, but at least I followed through and didn't let them bully me.

Irritation

I don't know what is wrong with me but nothing, NOTHING, is making me feel good today. Not even robbing my kids' Ester basket and eating the chocolate crunch eggs. I am finding myself irritated with everything.

I was a good wife and mother today. I gave up MY massage to My Honey so he could get his shoulder worked on (yeah, I know I am the BEST WIFE EVER.) I even let him go golfing. ("Let him go" is really not what I mean, but you know...) I took the kids to an Easter egg hunt, I am trying to be nice to everyone but its just not in me today.

Bubba sitting at the table for the past 45 minutes trying to eat lunch while he sings away is BOTHERING ME. I finally set a timer for 15 minutes. "Eat by the time this goes off or you don't get any of your candy." He almost got it eaten, so I let him have the candy because I have been so mean to him today. Heaven help me. And now he is SHARING HIS CANDY with me. I am such a bad mom. I don't deserve this. Then he gave me the last one, a green one, "because its one of your favorite colors." Isn't he a gem? I don't deserve him.

It may be the transition to working nights again. Not seeing the family. Its a tough one. Its not like I haven't been here before. It used to be my favorite shift; go in at 1 pm and get off at 11 pm. Its busy at work, I get to see the kids in the morning but I miss My Honey. I guess I miss the team work of childcare. Its a tough job alone. I don't know how the single moms with more than one kid do it.

I don't know, we are going to go take a nap. Maybe in an hour I will feel better?

New Specs

Okay, so maybe they aren't "trendy" just plain ol specs with a little color.

Updates

I was pretty accurate, Bubba lasted about 5 minutes into the baseball game. I lasted 3 innings. I think it was all the advertising at the beginning. The start time for the game was 3:35 the first pitch didn't get thrown until at least 3:45. And I have no idea how it ended. (Seattle 4, Oakland 0). They have a great young pitcher, Felix Hernandez. WOW.

So after all my annual check ups last month everything is fine. I also got my eyes checked for the first time in several many years. I started to have them checked after I started to work on computers a lot. I have not needed glasses until this year. Its only for when I read and use the computer (so far). It seems like its about time. The whole family wears glasses, from grandparents on down to my siblings. Not me. Until now. So I picked out some kind of trendy frames (I think) and they are in today.

Sometimes I am so amazed that people actually read blogs. At times I feel like all I am doing is blathering on like a fool about stuff that, well its really not that interesting is it? But some of you keep coming back. Thanks!

Free Time

I don't quite know what to do? (Cut my fingernails, I had 17 typo's in just the first 5 words)
Bubba is at a friends house, Punkin Head is sleeping, I have FREE TIME.

There's always laundry, cleaning, eating. Yeah, eating. That sounds good I didn't have breakfast. But what else? I read all the blogs I love, I could surf for other things.

If I had planned better, I would have had a babysitter here when Bubba was gone so I could leave. Oh well, it's still QUIET. Except the dog snoring in the sun. I wish it were warm enough to snore in the sun outside, but for some reason we are in the midst of a cold front and there goes spring for a few days.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bubba found a baseball cap in his room yesterday. He has several but hardly wears them so when he came downstairs wearing his Mariners cap it was really cute. Not only that, it was near opening day of the season, which he had no clue about. So I told him he had made a good choice in caps, baseball season starts tomorrow and the Mariners will be playing. "I want to go to the game" he tells me. I wish I had thought of it, that would have been a fun spring break activity. Instead we're going to watch it on TV. For the 10 minutes he's interested anyway. I hope I can answer his questions about batting, running, pitching, rules and all that. I never watched baseball (or any other sports stuff) until I was married and then I just learned the rules by accident. I have no idea about strategy though. How do you teach that stuff if you don't know or understand it?? Leave it to the men.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Punkin Head is making progress toward walking. Slowly but surely. She is already "late" but not where there is any concern. Give it 6 weeks (she'll be 18 months) and then they may start to test her to make sure she is okay. Her progress gives me hope though. She is actually pulling herself up to standing now (huge progress from sitting on her butt holding her arms up and saying "uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" in baby-whine.) And she can side step if she chooses. She isn't standing without holding onto something yet, she doesn't seem to have figured out balance, so we shall see.

I taught her to say "help" in sign language last week. This is helping with the baby-whine. Her other sign language words include please, more and all done. Her word-words are coming along. She has been saying "whoo-zat?" (who's that) when I walk into her room in the mornings. She will also point to her nose and say "wha-zis?" (whats this) which is pretty cute. She can say nose, dad, Harry, dog, Rudy, woof-woof, bye bye, bottle and hello (as she holds her hand to her cheek like she is answering the phone). She can identify her belly, nose, ears, eyes, toes and mouth. I think she's pretty smart. She just doesn't walk.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I turned down the supervisor position at the end of January and have been fighting with the employee guild ever since for seniority. What a PITA. The last thing I can do is plead my case before the Board. I am on the agenda for the April meeting.

PURPLE

Somewhere these things pop up and I am a sucker ... AND it turns out to be my favorite color.

What color is your brain

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Oh the guilt

Punkin Head. She needs to sleep through the night. Every night, starting about a year ago. So we work on it. And by "we" I mean I. It is tough to let her cry it out. I just cant stand it. I try to tell myself "just 5 minutes" or what ever arbitrary time-frame I choose but I rarely make it.

So last night I tried again. I heard her at 1:30 ish, talking to herself. No need for me to even think of checking on her. About an hour later she sounded like she was trying to sleep, just a few wah-wah's here and there (every 4 minutes if you must know). Then she was quiet for about 30 minutes. Then she was wah-wahing again. This went on until around 4am. Finally all was quiet and I didn't get up to check on her a single time. I was pretty pleased. Exhausted, but pleased. And, bless his heart, My Honey seemed to sleep through the entire thing.

At 6 when she was awake and sounded like she needed a bottle, I delegated it to the one who slept through the night so I could get a few extra minutes of shut-eye. I hear him make the bottle, change her (messy) diaper and put her back to bed. All the while I am not getting any extra shut-eye at all, I am listening to them thinking "wonder how long she had that messy diaper? I really should have checked on her at 2 or 2:30 or 3 or 3:30 ..." So My Honey comes back to bed, tells me something about not feeling guilty for letting her cry it out. And I try not to feel guilty.

At 8 something, Punkin Head wakes for the day. I go into her room and the first thing I notice is the SMELL. I smell puke. So then I start to feel bad for not checking on her at 7-ish when I heard her fuss a little. Only then I realize its not from 7 am its probably from way, way, way earlier than that. Maybe from when she went to bed last night. I have no way of knowing. Except that I could have known if I had checked on her last night.

But don't worry about it, there's no reason to feel guilty.

Think In Blog

Do you ever "think in blog" and then forget to post because you were thinking about it? I do. I can't believe its been over 10 days, I keep thinking of things to write about...

One of the things we did recently was go to an informational dinner for a private school. Yes I am still obsessing about Kindergarten. This school, The River Academy is a "Classical Christian" school. They use a classical approach. I found a blog that talked about just such a thing yesterday in my drive to obsess fully. I totally see this approach working for Bubba. But the parent involvement ... am I up to that? And I heard the families are mostly stay at home moms ...

Now I appreciate and respect that they have what it takes to stay at home with their kids all day and all night serving their family, its just not for me. I was involved with a group of mostly SAHM's and it was really hard for me to relate to them, and them to me. I felt judged, unaccepted and shunned. Some of this was me. I will admit to having a chip on my shoulder too. I feel guilty, ashamed and selfish for working sometimes. I mean, why would you bring kids into this world just to send them to be raised by someone else. I totally understand. But I know my limits. I know I can't be home all the time, that I need a break and a place to not to be a mom. Not only that, I choose to work when it will have the least affect on my family. I still spend a large portion of the day with the kids and I am blessed with a MIL that watches the kids lovingly (yes, I am justifying).

So there's that, and I also heard that they expect the man to take the lead in dealing with school problems. Now ... this would be a problem. I try not to nag My Honey. Sometimes its an effort,, there is nothing I would like more than to call every day and ask "did you do laundry, did you do the dishes, did you spend some time with each of the kids, did you ...") But I choose not to. If he had to deal with all school issues, there is the possibility of some serious nagging. I also heard that the parents are snobs. Understandable, it is a private school. So all these things added up pretty much make me wonder if its worth the trouble just for a "classical education."

-------------------------------------------------------
A few weeks ago Bubba was watching Tom & Jerry cartoons. I mentioned that I used to watch Tom & Jerry too. He gets all wide-eyed and asks "Did you have Cartoon network when you were little too?" Which made me laugh and answer "No Bubba, we didn't have Cartoon network, we actually only had 5 channels on our TV and cartoons were only on in the morning before school and on Saturdays." He thought about this for a moment and then, in his child-like innocence said "Did you have cable or dish network?" Talk about funny! To think that my kids will never know less than 75 channel choices, cartoons available 24/7, and whippy-skippy fast Internet. They will never know a house without at least 2 TV's, 2 computers, DVD's and video games. Technology.

--------------------------------------------------------
Punkin Head is quite the character. She was touching my lap top recently so I told her "No." She touched it again, I told her "No, and if you touch it again I will slap your hand." She looked at me and chose to touch it again, so I slapped her hand and told her "No, and you will get slapped again if you touch it." She touched it a final time, was slapped and that was that test.

A few days later she was near something that is dangerous and she shouldn't touch, Bubba told me so I went in and told her, "Don't touch that its dangerous and I will slap your hand if you touch it again." The booger looks right at me, reaches her hand out and then pulls it back, GIVING HERSELF THE SLAP ON HER HAND. I was slightly startled and then thought it was funny. And brilliant. She remembered from at least a week previous (or longer). Yikes, another smart one.

A few days later when I was on the lap top she was in my lap for a minute and she slapped MY hand for touching it. Still quite smart.

She is 16 months old now and still doesn't walk. But she climbs the stairs?? She is making progress though, she is just choosing a slow path. Wants to get every step perfect (literally). She is at least pulling herself up on the furniture now, she still won't take steps, but I am getting over worrying about it.

Aging, a soapbox and good news

Well, I was confronted with my age this week in a way I didn't like at all.

I went in for a yearly exam. No big deal (except for the complete violation of ME). Afterward, my Doctor tells me that we should probably get a baseline mammogram before I am 40 so we have it on file. So I start to respond that I have a few years, but in reality - well, no I don't. Before I am 40 is, well it turned out to be today at 2:30.

What a process. Thankfully my new friend Amy was kind, funny and well, not gentle but she knew how to get my less-than-A-cup-boobies right where she needed them. A lot of practice I am sure. How would you like that as a clinical trial? "We are looking for women under 40 who have never had a mammogram so we can train in proper technique." Uh, no thanks. Not even for a thousand bucks. Well, maybe for a thousand bucks.

But as with all precautionary things, it should be done. Apparently you should have a baseline done before you are 40 and then yearly after that. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family, you should have one done sooner that that. (There, done with the soapbox.)

It sure made me feel old though, knowing someone thinks I am that close to the big 4-0. Or that I am considered close to 4-0. YIKES. I had hoped my 30's might last 3 more years!

And just to make me fee a little older: I did a Pilates class on Tuesday that I am still sore from. Coughing and sneezing have really sucked today!

In good news, Punkin Head's rash is all but gone, everyone seems healthy, the sun has been shining and its DST (daylight savings time) soon.

And then

And then Punkin Head broke out in a rash. Hives all over her poor little body from head (and I mean on her scalp) to toe, and I do mean toe. She was one big red blob. Cause? Unknown, could be the amoxicillin, which means she is labeled as allergic to penicillin forever or it could just be the way her little body responded to whatever virus she happened to catch. What ever the hell it was, let it be gone! I think I have had my share of sick.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I always think twice about sharing a work story, but this one, well, you decide. I worked the Fire/EMS desk last week, pretty boring until there was an aid call or fire call and then I was on. Working this 3am to 1pm shift has been less than productive. I miss most of the good stuff and I definitely miss the busy times of the day. Such was true last week too. I had only one aid call up until around 10 am and it was for a male that had pulled out his catheter. (Yeah, I winced too) and he was bleeding from his ... well you get the picture, and I do want you to picture it, he has pulled out a catheter and is bleeding from his ...

So my job is to send an ambulance. The ambulance responds, transports him to the hospital. Not a big deal. Later the ambulance tells me they are taking him back to his house, I assume his catheter is back in place. An hour later someone calls again asking for the ambulance to return, his catheter has been pulled out again (same wince). So they go. By this time I am laughing in a dispatch-sick way. We deal with trauma everyday, laughing about someone elses pain lets off steam.

The ambulance transports him as we are having our crotch-grabbing laugh. One of my co-workers husbands works for the hospital where he was transported. Just so happens she is working when I mention that my only calls have been for the catheter-guy. She starts to tell me how they probably called her husband in because he is a catheter specialist. Really?? Thanks for the visual. Now I have the picture of her husband inserting catheters burned onto my eyeballs. Thanks. Just what I needed I tell her. This really brings on the laughter. Then she continues to tell us, yeah at his his old hospital it was his specialty, they used to call him in for that kind of work, he was especially good with prostate cancer patients. Alright, already, I have the image of him with penis in hand (literally) inserting catheters burned into my brain now, thanks!! But I cannot resist just one more comment "he must have a gentle touch" (or genital touch) Am I bad or what? Sick sick sick.

side note: I am half afraid to publish this with "penis" and "genital" in it.

Home

Well, we made it home in one piece then everyone fell apart.

Bubba was okay enough to go to school on Monday after we got home, but stayed home the rest of the week for a variety of sickness; fever, vomit and recovery. Punkin Head was catching something the whole weekend at my dads, coughed pretty bad on the way home (not my best trip ever) and ended up with an ear infection, runny nose turned into vomit. She is finally seeming better today. What a week. On top of all that, my sister and My Honey's sister were both due in town this weekend. My sister was supposed to stay with me but ended up at our other sisters house due to the throwing up baby. My Honey's sister did come visit so I was able to see her and her hubby for a few minutes (between vomits). AND it was my long work week too.

I am done in. I could probably go to bed and sleep until Friday!! Thankfully it IS my Friday, so I get a couple days off, work 3 days and then off for my 4-day weekend. *sigh* Looking forward to that.

Ramblings

Its 9:20 p.m. As I sit here I hear Punkin Head moaning and groaning. She has a cold, runny nose, cough, probably a sore throat the whole 9 yards. The worst part is I am 3 hours from home.

I took the kids to my dads for the weekend. I planned on going home on Sunday. Well, that was before the winter storm that made traffic a nightmare. We will leave tomorrow. I am working on a piece about spending time with my dad. Its actually kind of rough. Involves a lot of emotion. On the other hand, I didn't have to cook dinner at all, the wine was free-flowing and the company is pretty nice.

My youngest sister will be 15 in June. She has a (new) boyfriend. Her brother who is 20 was home on Saturday afternoon. The boyfriend had been out of town for 10 days and was on his way over. Brother says something about her hair to my sister so she goes to brush it. A few minutes later boyfriend shows up at the door and brother says "she had to go brush her hair for you." Funny stuff. I never did that to my sisters. I should have!!

Bubba had a total melt down on Friday night. We got here had dinner and are getting ready to chill out for the night. I find him sitting in Grandpa's chair, in tears crying "I can find Nick. I can't find Nick." At first I am flabbergasted, then I realize he is talking about Nickelodeon. My child's drug of choice is TV and he is addicted. AT FIVE. Scary.

Wow that is some talent, I am watching Barbara Walters interview Jennifer someone that won an Oscar. I thought he could sing! I noticed her on the Oscars tonight, wondered who she was. Hmmm. She may go far. (Depends on if Hollywood thinks she is good enough)

Worries

Bubba had pneumonia in November just before Thanksgiving. Every time he gets a cough now I worry "will it turn into pneumonia?" I try not to be paranoid, but it is so hard when you're the Mom. He has had a cough for the past few days and now a low grade fever. Do I keep him home or send him to school? Should I even give this much stress in my life to PRESCHOOL? Really, no. So I gave him a dose of ibuprofen and will check his temp in a few minutes to see what it is.

It is amazing the things I devote stress to because I am a Mom. Kindergarten for example. Where to send him. We are in a good school district, but will they challenge my child enough? I didn't like school. Once I had a concept down (or so I thought) I was done with it. Usually about 2 weeks into the quarter. So I skipped. A LOT. I am pretty sure I had about a 46% attendance rate in over half my classes. Not that I am really smart, I just don't like to be told what to do, or more specifically HOW. It amazes me that I have actually been able to hold down a job for more than a week or two. But that's why I take jobs I can teach myself. Trial and error is my best way to learn. And I see that in Bubba too.

So I don't know the protocol. Can I call the school, sit in on the kindergarten classes, watch how the teachers are to know if they will challenge Bubba? We are considering a private school too. My real concern there is the discipline. The school we are looking into actually teaches Latin as part of their curriculum, which I think will be useful to Bubba because he has such an amazing grasp of language already, he really will need something to keep him interested.

And perhaps I just think too much about it. (Jee, ya think?)

Also on my mind is this summer. We have a niece due to be born in June. (Yay!! Another little cuddly thing) but they live in Portland and my mother-in-law wants to be there. (No kidding) So I have this urge to get my summer worked out so that she can be there. I really feel like I need to have a plan for the entire month of June and a fall back for the last two weeks of May and the first two weeks of July just in case. Again over thinking, but I would much rather be prepared than to end up trying to pull something together like I had to do for last week.

AND ... Bubba got in some trouble at preschool last year. (You show me yours, I'll show you mine type of behavior.) So we dealt with him and the other child it involved. I thought we were done with this problem. NOPE. The same thing almost happened with another child Sunday. I am very disturbed by his behavior. I can understand once, you get in trouble and it stops. But it hasn't stopped. So I go through many thoughts. Have we sheltered him by not having him in day care? Have we over-exposed him by not being modest enough in our house? Has something happened to him? This one gets me. So I asked, in 5 year old words. And he thinks about it and answers no. But I worry.

Surprises?

I found out today that a guy I went to high school with died in January.

The obituary really didn't say much but I have a friend who was living near him a couple years back so I call her to see what happened. He committed suicide. Somehow I knew. I read the obituary and I knew. I called her and she described the few months before his death and I knew. Even before she told me he took his own life, I knew.

I wish my old friend Dawn had known. We live in the same town (I think) but never see each other. She called after she heard Kelly had died. Only she hadn't heard what happened. So I told her. And in typical Rainey style I didn't think through what I was going to say and it didn't come out very well. I hope I eased her into it, but I don't think I did. And I am sorry for that. She was quite devastated. He could very well have been her "first love" 20 years ago. I know she cared deeply for him. And he for her. His daughters middle name is Dawn.

I dd get it together enough to ask her if she was alone or if she had someone home with her. She said she did, her kids were there (the oldest is at least 14 by now) and she was going to call her mom and cry for awhile. But what a dope I can be. Ugh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other surprises this week include family friends splitting up after 25 years of marriage. Another situation that really didn't shock me.

How calloused am I that suicide and separation don't even make me bat an eye? No, I'm not on any anti-depressants right now. Is it the job? Dealing with death and divorce issues all day every day I just don't even have any feeling toward it anymore? No, I don't think that's it at all. Re-read my November posts. When my friend Jen died I was devastated. I just re-read it myself, and I am crying again for her family. I do still feel. I just don't feel these two situations. Interesting. Maybe after his memorial service on Saturday? I told Dawn I would be there. Maybe I can make up for being the bearer of bad news made worse? I sure hope so.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the final surprise? Flowers! And I didn't even ask for them. My Honey brought them home to me tonight. Roses. Nice. And as for our nooner tomorrow. Cancelled. The babysitter (mother in law) is leaving town and needs me to come home at 1:00. Bummer. The flowers, definitely a surprise. The cancelled nooner, not so much.

V-Day

Valentines Day is this week. I have plans too. Not the usual variety, out to romantic dinner then late night, nope that won't work for me, I have to work at 0300 (that's 3AM). So, instead I am taking off work at 1100, picking up my date (AKA My honey) and we will do a romantic lunch instead. Hopefully he will be able to spend a little more than his usual hour lunch out and we can sneak a nooner. We shall see. And as far as "romantic" goes, I don't have very high expectations. My Honey isn't the romantic type. At all. If I want a card I better tell him today or else I won't get one. It's just not his thing. I have learned to live with it. I had to decide 15 years ago if it was a deal breaker. it wasn't. If I want cards for every holiday I get them for myself (never) or I tell My Honey weeks in advance. It works for us.

Speaking of marriage, I just received a telemarketer call for Mrs. Vanbooskee. Its funny all the names I get called; Mrs. Visburk, Mrs. Busket, Mrs. Vinbursket because my last name is more than 5 letters long, therefore it can't be pronounced. Funny. Really funny because it is pronounced exactly as it is spelled.

Weird day

Just when I thought spring was here, SNOW. It always happens. We get a few weeks of mild temps (in the 40's) just to tease us that spring may actually be on the way, then one morning you wake up and SNOW. We hope it won't happen, but it always does. The weather is funny here that way. Luckily I finally took the time to go out in the back yard and rake up all the ugly pine needles from the wind storm over a month ago. It amounts to several large piles of stuff in the yard. And I am a little sore today.

I had this weird dream early this morning. Bubba came in to our bed at around 5:30 this morning and once I fell back asleep I dreamt about a large snake. It must have been 6-8 inches around and 8-10 feet long. The person showing me the snake said not to worry, just lie down and it will slither over me. So I did. Well the damned thing tried to constrict me. I couldn't breathe in my dream and I couldn't yell loud enough to get anyone's attention. It was frightening. Finally I woke up and found myself sleeping on my stomach with Bubba crowded nearby and the muscles in by back tensed up because I had been sleeping on my stomach. How weird is the human brain? To take that pain in my back, and turn it into a believable dream?

My kids are looking older this week. I keep catching glimpses of Bubba that project me forward in time. He looks somehow older and I think "wow, there's a teenage boy in there somewhere." Its kind of strange. And Punkin Head is thinning out or getting longer or both so her looks are changing too. And her hair is growing out so it makes her look different each day. Thankfully she is still very round so she looks mostly like a baby. And she is getting new words all the time. "Baby and Hello" are her two newest this week. But she still doesn't walk. Or stand. Or want to. I am trying hard not to stress about it but its to the point now where I worry that something may be wrong. She is nearly 15 months and does not pull herself up on furniture, stand on her own or even take steps when she is held (against her better judgement) standing. Its just strange. But it does make taking care of her really easy.

I did it

If you didn't look at this yesterday, you don't even know. I had a mess of a page. It took a few minutes, I had to concentrate really hard and apply myself but I figured out how to get the doggone links where I wanted them. Yay me! So much for the easier customized templates. They really aren't. Well for me anyway!

Now if I could just figure out how to change font sizes and a few other things I would be happy. But for now I am glad to be back to a page I can stand!

NEED

There is not enough candy in the house right now. I don't know why I think I need candy, but I do.

I found, and raided, Bubba's stash. This is the candy I set aside for him to be doled out at intervals because, like me, he has absolutely no will power when it comes to sweets. Not only that, he tends to get HYPER when he gets sugared.

So I devoured the rest of a box of jelly belly's, a small kit kat and I think I may bust open the giant size Crunch bar and see how much damage I can do.

Why I ask myself am I doing this? I dunno. Stress? Nope, I discarded that with the supervisor role last week. Anger? Nope, nothing to be angry at, the dishes and laundry both got done while I worked this weekend. Boredom? Maybe. My Honey went to watch the Superbowl and I am home alone with the kids. That could be it. Boredom.

I went back to my old template. I just couldn't stand that gray one more day. It made me crazy. Only now I cant really get this one to do what I want either. Lord help me to learn html or something. Maybe I will. Probably not.

Funny kids:
Punnkin Head was at Grandmas the other day, when I got there to pick her up she was trying earnestly to tell us something. She was babbling, holding her hands out in front of her like she was saying "well now, you see ..." on and on she went. It was so funny.

Bubba was looking for something today and says "where the hell is it?" Hmmmm, oops! Guess I still need to watch my mouth. The kid doesn't miss anything. So we talked again about how hell is an adult word and I didn't want to hear him saying it again. Kids.

Tidbits

I don't do politics. I don't research issues, I don't pay enough attention. If something sounds interesting I might check into it, but I don't spend hours on politics. That said, I saw a bumper sticker that caught my attention and made me laugh. I feel the need to share it:

01.20.09

Bush's Last day

The thing that caught my attention was the date, the thing that made me laugh were the red, white and blue words. I don't have a real opinion one way or the other, but here's where to go for yours.

In other news:

• I got a haircut today (actually, you guessed it, I got them all cut) ((that is such a dumb joke)) Cute, Cute, Cute. I have worn my hair long-ish for years, its back to short. And layered. And bangs. Cute. When I wore this style years back I had the nickname "princess" because it looked like a style that Princess Diana wore.
• Things are going pretty well at work as "just a dispatcher." I have had a lot of positive feedback from unexpected places.
• I don't have to change shifts at work
• I had a massage yesterday - heavenly
• The house cleaner came today. She is magnificent. She even took a few minutes and organized Punkin Head's toys and Bubba's art center. What a gal.
• The sun came out for a few minutes today too.
• Things are looking up.

I could be a tad healthier. I have cold I guess that has worked its way to my throat and is affecting my voice. I am very hoarse, its not pretty. Especially since I use my voice all day at work. But what do I do? I feel fine, I just have to plug through. Officers call up and ask if I am alright, should I even be at work, I sound so horrible. Aren't they sweet?

It's funny, when I was in school I remember other kids losing their voices, but never me. I never screamed myself hoarse at a football game (but I only went to 3 or 4) and I never sang enough to go hoarse either. But now, in my old age I lose my voice once or twice a year. Lucky me.

And the kids, they are good. They have both had a pretty good week. So, yeah, February is looking up. After a few crappy months personally and professionally that is nice to say.

Yet to come

Well, the worst may be yet to come. I declined the supervisor position. The one I have ranted about for weeks, or has it been months now? As I stated on the 19th of December, I didn't know if I could work for the people applying for the job... turns out I was right.

The partial offer I received from the new Ops person was pretty insulting and otherwise unacceptable (and we hadn't even talked salary.) Which leaves me in the role of "just a dispatcher" and I still need to work hard at many things. First - my job. Second - being professional about this whole thing. Third - how much to say and to whom. And fourth - respecting the new supervisors. They have a tough road ahead.

All-in-all I handled myself very well Friday and I hope I treated those hosers with more respect and dignity than they did me. I hope to be able to say just a few politically correct statements ("their offer was unacceptable" and/or "the process didn't strike me as above board, even though I could have benefited from it.") when the announcement comes out to answer questions. Plus, I still have a job I enjoy just no extra headaches. So far I come out ahead.

On a funnier note:
Bubba as upstairs watching TV... first a disclaimer: when I worked nights this was the ritual; My Honey would send Bubba upstairs to watch TV as a quiet activity before bed time, usually 7 or 7:30. The only kid-friendly channel (if you want to call it that) is Nickelodeon. Definitely not my first choice, but I wasn't home and I wasn't the one needing a break (you do what you gotta do). Alright, that said back to the story:

Bubba is upstairs watching TV tonight, I hear him saying something like "the week is finally over for Naked Brothers Band" over and over as he comes down the stairs. He comes to where I am sitting and tells me "the week is finally over for Naked Brothers Band." Now, I have seen enough of Nick to know that its some kind of new show, not really naked people in a band, but I still wonder what he is saying. So he explains it to me: "The WAIT is over. Not like how heavy it is, but like, well, you know, wait-ing" (emphasis on the -ing). Okay then, the WAIT is finally over. My little homonym-boy. Do you know any 5 year-olds that know the difference between weight and wait? Even scarier, he was quoting a commercial. Word for word.

What the ...

We are opening presents on Saturday night at the chalet. I hear my son say "What the what?" Its his new catch phrase. "What the what?" I think I brought it home from work with me.

So he is opening presents saying this phrase and then once he says "What the hell?" OOPS! Whose kid is that? My brother-in-law D and I laugh but don't say anything to him (maybe it will go away). A few minutes later I hear it again (and so does everyone else) "WHAT THE HELL?" as he opens another gift. This time the whole room laughs, including me. I pull him to the side, get down to his level and tell him that "it's not okay to say that, I know I am laughing at you, but that's not okay. "

I catch myself saying "what the hell?" several times in the next few days. I really need to watch my language!

Smart kid

Driving to the chalet on Friday we hear this from the back seat: "Yodel-odel -ay-hee-who" over and over again. When I finally asked Bubba what he was doing he tells me that he is "Saying 'hi' to the mountains." Clever. Even funny because we are entering Leavenworth, "The Bavarian Village" literally the whole town is a Bavarian theme with festivals all year round. How did he know that yodeling was the appropriate way to say "hi" to the mountains there, I have no idea. Funny kid.

The End

Finally we had our last Christmas celebration! Yes, one month late, but its finally over. The End. This was my family Christmas with my sisters, their families, mom and aunt. We all holed up together in a chalet in the mountains and had Christmas. It was nice, I just worry too much. Worry that my kids are brats, worry that my kids are keeping everyone else up, worry that my kids are going to get everyone else sick. Worry worry worry. So I had a difficult time enjoying myself. Bubba got a stuffy nose a couple days before we were supposed to go then Punkin Head came down with a cough and runny nose, plus she has trouble sleeping... we fared alright, but it did cause me too much stress.

The chalet was nice, 3 huge bedrooms, a main living room, downstairs game room and large kitchen/dining area. There was plenty of room for the 8 adults and 4 kids (under 5). Our family cohabitated in one of the king-bed rooms. We had Punkin Head's playpen in the closet (door open) to keep it out of the way, we borrowed a twin bed from the other room, put it on the floor for Bubba to sleep on and we lived the life of luxury in a king bed. That was nice! I had to roll twice to even touch My Honey, it was the teeniest bit lonely, but mostly great!

The other rooms were great too. The room we stole the twin mattress from was called a bunk room, it had twin beds built in like captains beds at one end of the room, not quite bunk beds, they were the same height (not on top of each other) and a queen bed, a huge closet (Punkin head would have fit in there too). And the third room the Master Suite had a king bed, and plenty of room for the almost-2-year olds playpen.

If we return here, eventually the kids could take over the basement. The extra mattresses could be moved down there, they could have their own area and just come up for food! But they're a little young for that. So this year Auntie-Aunt slept down there and Grandma slept in the living room the first night and then in the second bedroom because one of my sisters had to leave yesterday.

On Saturday night we opened the last of our Christmas presents - which was the whole point of going in the first place. And I'll be dammed if I didn't do the same thing as my mother and create chaos while the kids were opening presents. The ones that got wrapped anyway, I forgot to wrap my presents.

So that was the last Christmas.

And the job. I heard on Friday who the new supervisors will be. First let me say the new Ops. person came in Friday to talk with the director about the supervisor interviews. I saw her walk by and look kind of saddish in my direction like she had bad news for me. I was so totally prepared for it. She asked to see me in the office, so I went. Then came the news. I WAS IN THE TOP THREE. That means I have a supervisor position as of Feb. 1. But, she warned me, its probationary for the first year. Great, just what I need. More pressure. So looking good must have paid off. So that's The End of that saga (and the beginning of the next one.) But that's why we blog right?

To be continued

Doesn't look like I am going to get anymore sleep tonight, I don't know what the deal is, but Puinkin Head is having trouble sleeping again. Interesting, it happens to be right when my schedule changed. I think there might just be something to that. She was awake for a couple hours after I went to work yesterday morning. Last night (just a couple hours ago) she had the same problem. She woke around 10 and didn't get back to sleep until midnight.

THEN Bubba woke up with messy pants. Honestly, this has only happened one other time since he was out of diapers. He never has accidents. NEVER. He was the easiest potty training story ever. He just started to wake up with dry diapers when he was around 2, so we put him on the potty and it took. Just like that. He visited the chiropractor yesterday, so I am sure that had something to do with it, he had been having a little trouble. So anyway, I just got him back to bed, and I am going to work at 2:30 am so whats the point? I have functioned on 3 hours of sleep for the past year, why change now? Unfortunately I have a couple meetings with big-wigs this afternoon, so I hope I can still function at 3 this afternoon. Oh yeah then a dinner thing. Sheesh, I have a long day ahead.

So I may as well jot down how the interview went: Fine. Yep, that's it *fine*. We won't hear until around the 1st of February who gets the job(s). And my feeling is this: either way I still have a job so I am prepared for what ever lies ahead.

The format: At check in, we received information for a 3-5 minute presentation for which we had 15 minutes to prepare. This was probably my strongest point. I was able to think of the solution, jot down the points I wanted to make, mull it over for a few minutes and then make the presentation. No problem. THEN its question time. It was an oral board format, so there were 6 people, each had 2 questions assigned and they just ask them one at a time. I think I did alright. I thought of some much better answers the next day, but who wouldn't? And that was it. I was in the conference room for nearly an hour. Then I was done.

So if the scoring was based in equal parts on the presentation, my paperwork (resume, evaluation etc.) and the oral board, I probably did best in the presentation area, my paperwork wasn't great and my oral board was okay. I didn't even think of the paperwork being part of the score so I didn't work that hard on preparing a resume. OOPS. But my cover letter was great. AND I didn't think of referring to the paperwork as part of the answers to my questions. Double OOPS. But, have I mentioned that I LOOKED GREAT? Yes. I. did. I clean up pretty nice. Normally we wear jeans and sweaters or t-shirts to work, so a skirt and jacket is a huge improvement. If that was part of the score, that is where I got the highest marks!

So that's that. The saga continues. And there's my alarm. Good morning.

Relationships

Have you ever rented a bunch of movies and found some kind of common thread in them even though you didn't plan it that way? Some actor/actress that is in each movie, or a similar theme or place where it takes place? Well that just happened to me, only it was books I read. I just finished for one more day by Mitch Albom and then read A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer. (I must finish the other two by Pelzer). The similarities were striking. Each dealt with a man's relationship with his mother. How her opinion of him affected his life. How her acceptance, or lack of it molded these men into what they were.

I find it interesting that the one who always had his mothers love and support, turned out to be the drunk loser. The one that was beat within an inch of his life, starved for love, affection and food turned out to be the one who made a huge impact on the world.

So where does that put us mothers? Should we beat our children within an inch of their lives or love them? I don't mean that for real. But looking at those two examples of mothers and children ... its just an interesting study of sociology. How their environments molded them to be who they are. How does one find that balance. The balance of too much love, too much discipline and too much freedom? Ahh, the question of every parent around.

Speaking of parents. My mom called today, she wanted to get together tomorrow night. I told her I have a Bible study I am going to, we can get together afterward. Or she could go with me. She agreed to go with me. Kind of an unusual situation I find myself in. My mom who used to send me on the van to church Sunday mornings going with me to Bible study. Interesting.

And still speaking of parents, my Dad and his family were supposed to come into town this weekend. They didn't make it. It was too cold to leave the horses. They needed fresh water every so many hours and that's a lot to ask of someone else. So my Dad say to me "I hope you didn't do any deep cleaning or anything like that." Which I actually thought was funny coming from him. If it had been said by my Mom, all hell would have broken loose. Interesting our relationships with our parents isn't it?

Your Turn

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? Anyone but a telemarketer.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? When I shop with kids, rarely unless I happened to get a spot by the cart return (or the nice person helps me out) When without kids – yes.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on the setting. Usually an observer.

4. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? For a few days maybe. I can make fire and I could probably kill something, I would worry about shelter.

5. Do you like to ride horses? When I have had the chance yes. Always hate the soreness the next day(s).

6. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes, counseled a couple times too.

7. What was your favorite board game as a kid? The Game of Life.

8. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was taken what would you do? Well since I am taken, I would have to ward off any advances. But I would certainly entertain a fantasy or two.

9. Are you judgemental? Unfortunately it goes with the territory of my job and I have a hard time shaking it in real life.

10. Would you date someone with different religious beliefs? Yes, if they didn't include sacrifice of a child ...

11. Are you continuing your education? Formally, no. But there is always something to learn.

12. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Yes, and I have been told I have a good eye.

13. If your house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd grab? I have thought about this for a day now, definitely my kids and My Honey. Other than that? I dunno

14. How often do you read books? As often as possible. Not as much as I would like

15. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Mostly the past, sometimes the future, not enough about the present (look a the balance of my checkbook.)

16. What is your favorite children's book? Right now, The Belly Button Book by Sandra Boynton. All her books are great.

17. How tall are you? 5' 8

18. Where is your ideal house located? Of places I know, Chelan, WA. Of places I have seen pictures of; one of those huts about 50 yards out on the ocean.

19. Last person you talked to? My son. He wanted to know if we had any band aids

20. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Too many years 3 I think

21. What are the keys on your key chain for? One key chain for the kid-car (just the car key) one for the Jeep (just the car key) and one for everything else.

22. What did you do last night? Nothing. spent some time with the family, went to bed, read a book. for one more day Interesting read

23. Where is your current pain at? Always low back.

24. Do you like mustard? On a sandwich or cooked with ham. Plain, not spicy crap

25. Do you like your Mom and Dad? (this sounds bad) they both have their good qualities.

26. How long does it take you in the shower? As long as I can

27. What movie do you want to see right now? Austin Powers – a friend of mine did a recent impression of Fat Bastard and I need to see the rest of the movie “GET IN MAH BELLY!!”

28. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats? Lotion? Never heard of such a thing.

29. What will you do for New Year's? Nothing.

30. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Didn't see it, probably not going to find out.

31. Do you own a camera phone? Yes.

32. What's the first letter of your middle name? K

33. Who did you vote for on American Idol? Wouldn't have voted if I had watched it.

34. How many hours of sleep do you get at night? Lately? 4 if I am lucky. What I need is at least 9 or more but that is about 10 years away.

35. Do you like Care Bears? Not really

36. Do you know how to play poker? Yep. Used to partake in a poker night (on Sundays) “dime me dime one more time me” (In memory of Papa Ray)

37. Do you wear your seat belt? Always

38. What do you sleep in? Shirt (long sleeved this time of year) and some kind of pants

39. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Yeah, but only the sex crimes about 10 years ago got national attention.

40. Is your tongue pierced? Never.

41. Who is the funniest person you know? Today, the Fat Bastard impersonator(#27)

42. Do you like funny or serious people better? Depends.

43. Did you eat a cookie today? Does a double chocolate Pirouette by Pepperidge Farms count? I had 4 today.

44. Do you use cuss words in other languages? Nope I swear in English only, wish I knew some foreign language cuss words sometimes.

45. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? Don’t even know how. I would probably pay tho.

46. When was the last time you said "I love you" and meant it? Today to my kids and Honey.

47. Is your cell phone usually on Vibrate or ring? Lately on ring. Surprising how many less calls I miss!

48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend? Not really.

Energizer bunny

This thing just keeps going and going. The supervisor job is back up for grabs. I completed my testing as I had planned and then the position was re-posted. "We want to take advantage of a group of interviewers since they will be here and we have so many openings." Sounds politically correct doesn't it? this is probably where I walk a fine line so I had better quit while I am ahead.

Suffice it to say I am back in the running, so I have been researching interview questions to be prepared. I have the hardest time with it. I also sat and talked with someone I have worked with for years that has tested for several positions recently and he had great advice.

Kids: Bubba just hasn't quite recovered from the wind storm yet. The power went out and he has been stressed about it ever since. He was a total cling-on the next two days. He would not leave my side. Literally he was within a couple INCHES for 2 days. I was so ready to go back to work.

How is work? There is NO traffic at 2:30 in the morning. But it is dark. And cold. And slow. I am so loaded on caffeine by 9 it is scary. I need to cut back already. I bought decaf coffee to take into work so I can make a pot of 50/50 next week instead of the strong stuff. Ease off it. Don't think I would ever give it up again. I really need something to be addicted to and alcohol is such a bad idea. Tasty and effective, but a bad idea.

Personality?

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you are very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Chef, not on my life. I have scars where I burn myself when I cook. The rest, yeah, maybe.

This is what happens

So I spend too many weeks agonizing about this promotional opportunity and it turns out I am missing a couple of required tests and that disqualifies me. Oops. I really didn't know what to say when the boss pulled me in to go over it with me. I had a plan for getting the tests done but I mis-read the job posting and didn't realize that they had to be done prior to Dec. 31. I finished the testing yesterday. Oh well, I am really okay with the whole thing. I was pretty close to not applying anyway so I an really not that disappointed.

In other news, we had one hellacious windstorm yesterday. Took down trees and wires all over town, blew roofs off houses, blew outbuildings around, not to mention the power outages. It was amazing. In 35 years of living here I do not remember EVER having wind like that. Ever. We get a night of wind in late February or March that pretty much brings spring with it, but this was a different beast all together.

We were slammed in dispatch. Slammed. I didn't leave my seat, quit answering phones or the radio for 5 solid hours. And that wasn't the end of it. I went in at 4am (my new shift) and didn't leave until after 6 last night. My last hour I spent scheduling to make sure that the folks that worked all night got to go home after 12 hours. At least 4 people came in early for their shift (some by 4 hours) and there were 5 of us who worked over. Additionally we had actual fire chiefs in dispatch handling calls in their areas. And a representative from one of the local ambulance companies handling their calls because of radio problems caused by the storm. It was a full house!! We logged over 780 calls. That's over 3 times our average number of calls.

Amazing. There were wind gusts up to 40 mph in town. That's crazy, we don't usually get gusts over 10 or 15 mph. Wow. The CC PUD reports that there are still people without power and it may last for a few days. Unheard of! The can usually restore power in 24 hours. Incredible.

All in all everyone pulled together pretty well to make it work. Dispatch, PUD's, law enforcement, fire departments. Everyone. The boss even came in and made sure everyone got fed. So its time for a little R & R (yes, probably the drink) and a couple days off from work. Maybe I will get a cute kid story or two.

New year, same issues

It seems appropriate to do a 2006 in review. I am just not interested. It could be the mild irritation I feel for my daughter today. She was up from 11 pm until 2 am. I am not impressed or humored at all. This must end. I tried to handle it a little different from the last 100 times, I just checked on her every 30-45 minutes (when her crying was loud enough to bother me) checked her diaper, and offered her a bottle and that was it. We (I) had been actually getting her up - well that ended last night. Didn't seem to make a difference though. She was still awake for 3 hours. Mostly quiet, but still .... I am sick of it. And my schedule changes on Sunday, yes in 4 days. I will actually go to work at 3 am so this being awake from 11-2 is a huge problem. (Unless I go to bed at 6 pm.) So it must end. Ideas?? The garage sounds good right now. Just kidding. But the spare room in the basement is having some appeal to me today. Anyway, working out my cranks.

On the bright side ... Funny Bubba story ...
My Honey hurt his back pretty bad over the weekend. He asked Bubba to bring him an ice pack out of the freezer. So Bubba is carrying the ice pack across his chest saying "I have heart burn" on his way to his dad. It was pretty funny. I tried to get a picture, but it didn't work out.

Funny Punkin Head story ...
Clothing. The child is getting pickier and pickier about clothing. I put overalls on her for the millionth time a few days ago, for some reason she thought it was the day to protest. She grabbed the straps and pretty much told me in no-uncertain-terms to get them off her. Funny, funny child.

I need some ideas for good reading material or a mindless project that will help pass time without distracting from the task at hand... something that I can put down when the radio or phone beckons. Ideas??

One last thing. Resolutions. I don't make resolutions like "I am going to exercise 3 days a week" (although I could use it) or "I am going to eat healthy this year", or even "I will be nicer to my kids." But I do try to make one major mental attitude adjustment. For example one year I just wanted to be more content. So I worked hard at being content. That kind of thing. So this year, and this is hard for me to say, I need to work on obedience/respect. I have a mild issue with authority. My parents, bosses, husband. I would rather not listen to what they are telling me to do (although I want someone to tell me what to do) and do it my way (or not at all). So, that's my new year mental attitude adjustment, to be more obedient and respectful of everyone. Yikes, now its in writing. (Maybe I will just save this as a draft).

More funny

Yet another funny story out of my house:

My Honey got a weight bench and weight set for Christmas. He got it set up the day after Christmas. I was cooking lunch (healthy macaroni & cheese) and Bubba asked if he could put in the cheese. I lifted him onto the counter so he could put it in. He says to me "Mom, have you been using the weights cuz you're strong." This was two days after the weights had been set up. What a crazy kid. Gotta love him.

Favorites

My favorite Christmas stories

My favorite Bubba Christmas story from this year:

We are on our way to Church on Christmas Eve. I reach into the back seat to grab a few tissues and Bubba asks "Why are you getting Kleenex mom?" So I tell him "because Christmas carols always make me cry." He pauses a moment and then says "Mom, listen to this ... " and then says in a sing-song voice "Christmas carol, Christmas carol, Christmas carol. Does that make you cry Mom?" Whose kid is that by the side of the road anyway?? Just kidding. My Honey was so proud.

My favorite Punkin Head story from this year:

Her favorite gift was a box of clothes. Auntie A bought her several pair of pants and shirts and wrapped them all together. She had the time of her life "trying them on" (see pix). It was so cute.

Fresh

I had a few extra minutes at the end of my day today so I re-read my December posts. What a downer I am lately. I will try to switch that up.

I decided to apply for the supervisor position. It can't hurt. Someone told my mom to tell me that you should always apply for promotions when they are available. It doesn't mean you have to take the job, but you should apply. Come to think of it, I should have talked to that someone about this whole deal, too late. Hind sight right?

And, really Christmas wasn't that bad for us. It was just everyone else's weight I was/am carrying around. I shoveled snow (we got 5 new inches today to go with the 6 from Saturday) and I feel a little better. I wish I could always remember how much better life is after a good hard work out. Especially one in the fresh air. Well its in writing now, maybe that will help me remember.

Christmas blues

It was a long weekend. Scratch that, it was a long 5 days into Christmas. I really didn't have much opportunity to re-charge this week and then it was Christmas Eve and then it was Christmas and now its the day after and WHEW. I am toast. I feel like I could sleep a week, I have not taken a shower, don't care if I ever do again, cant even muster the energy to get the Christmas presents put away. I did take the tree down tho, got that taken down before noon today. It looked so trashed I couldn't stand it another day. I had hidden a large box behind it and when I got the box out Christmas morning it tipped the whole thing, thankfully there wasn't much on the tree to begin with but it just looked so bad I had to take it down.

Its been a long time since I actually felt depressed after a family weekend. UGH. This Christmas just didn't go the way I had planned and it left me feeling pretty crabby today. Its after 3 and I still have not taken a shower. Pretty sad.

I think some of it was work. It was a sad weekend all over town, lots of people fighting with each other, going to jail, leaving their kids behind to figure Christmas out for themselves. We had 3 successful suicides, and an attempt. Not to mention all the people who shoveled the snow and then keeled over from heart attacks. Must have had 10 fatal incidents since Friday. Just left me feeling sad for the families left behind. Thankful I have mine, but still I couldn't shake that sadness.

The kids were great tho for all we put them through. Christmas Eve church at 10 am, breakfast at the C's. Then home so I could go to work. Bubba went to Chelan withe the C's. He had fun but was out late. Didn't get home until 10 pm. I worked until 3am then home for a nap until it was time to open presents. That wake up call came at around 7. We did our family stuff, then I went back to bed for a few hours. Went to the in-laws for 1:00 fondue, opened presents, went to my moms for 5:00 lasagna and then home by 8. It was too much for one day. Way to damn much. And no breaks. Thankfully the in-laws have a crib set up (they watch the kids while we work) but still, we went from one place to the next, no down time.

Punkin Head's favorite gift was a box of new clothes. She played with them for hours. Just taking them out of the box, holding them up, putting them on her head. It was cute. Today she got into a diaper bag and took out her new shoes and tried to put them on, when she couldn't get them on she "asked" for help "maaaaaaaaa, ahhhhh!" so I put them on her and now she is happy as a clam. How did I get a girly-girl? Already she likes clothes, shoes and jewelry.

Bubba's favorite gift was all of them. His dad taught him to say "thank you for the _____ its the best gift ever, I always wanted one of those!" with enthusiasm. It was very cute. His favorite gift actually appears to be a jack-in-the-box that Punkin Head got from someone at my Mom's house. All the gifts came fast and furious so I lost track of who gave what. It ought to make thank yous really easy ....

Oh well, its all good. I am not that bad off. Regular life resumes tomorrow. Back to work, that ought to shake my funk.

Change is in the air

Change is in the air. Without going into too much detail, I just need to talk this out.

For me work is changing. There is an opportunity to apply for two new jobs that I keep mulling over. One is a supervisor position, a job I have been doing a good portion of without the title for the past two years. The second is an operations director. A job I am qualified for on paper but I don’t think I would necessarily be good at right now in my life.

As of last Wednesday I had decided not to apply for either position. Since then My Honey and I have talked some about the supervisor job and I am unsure. His big question is this: If the job was going to be handed to you, you would have taken it right? Then why won’t you apply for it? What’s the difference? Even when I thought I would be promoted into the supervisor position I wasn’t sure I would take it. My big questions are; (1) Would I want to work as a supervisor under the potential operations candidates? Of the 3 I know have applied, my answer is no. Pretty much I am a chicken shit. I don’t want to be the beta group under a new management structure, a new management style (the 4th in 2 years) and all that goes with that. I must also consider can I work as a supervisor under these candidates and not lose my job because I don’t meet their expectations? (2) Can I work as a pee-on and not be a part of the problem? This could be my biggest challenge, almost as big as working as a supervisor. But as a pee-on I would no longer be privy to the admin stuff and maybe it would make it easier. I don’t know.

So how egotistical does this sound, lamenting about a job I haven’t even applied for, as if I would get it? And how much is that part of why I am considering not applying? What if I didn’t get it? Considering the competition, I doubt that would happen. (More ego I know, but I have been doing the job for 2 years and other candidates have not.)

So as I work this out, My Honey has acquired a new department at work. This new departmental responsibility just started yesterday but it has already resulted in several extra phone calls and working late yesterday (his first day). So as I consider this opportunity at my workplace, I also consider the effect of our jobs on the kids. What happens to them as we both get busy? What kind of pressure will I feel to be at work more, how resentful will I feel about that? How will the kids feel about that? How can I support My Honey in his new endeavor if I am too busy to even know what he is doing?

Pretty much I am not going to apply. But the deadline is the 31st if anyone has any suggestions.

What is the address of your emergency?

"9-1-1 What is the address of your emergency?"
"um, I am in L** and the power is out, do you know why?"
"Well sir/ma'am, the PUD has been working on that for a couple hours, we don't know when it will be restored."
"Okay, but do you know why the power went out?"
"No sir/ma'am, it may have to do with the weather. All that wet heavy snow has actually downed trees onto poles causing a lot of problems."
"Oh, okay." Click

This was my life for 10 hours yesterday. There has been some major weather come through my area, a ton of heavy wet snow and then rain, then freezing temperatures, then more snow and rain, now the wind. What a mess. This was the most typical 911 call of the day. We handled hundreds of them. We logged over 360 of them and I don't know how many hundreds more we just dealt with.

Good job us!

Sick sick sick

12/11/06 So what should I expect when Punkin Head throws up at 11 pm? A little help. Which is exactly what I got. A LITTLE help after the specific instructions “go ahead and strip the bed”. Which My Honey did.

Not that I needed any more laundry. Apparently I’m not even caught up from last week, I just folded a sweatshirt that Bubba got for his birthday last Monday. Sheesh!

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Bubba woke up at 4am with cramps in his legs…. I was sincerely hoping and praying that these days of sleeplessness would be over around her first birthday. So far we’re a month behind. I think this bout of sick is due to her immunizations last week, I remember Bubba having the same kind of thing.

12/12/06 For what ever reason I cannot get onto the blogger website tonight?? Does that mean I should just call it a day and go to bed like the rest of the household? Or should I give it a few more minutes and do another load of laundry, fold the stuff I got done today and stay up a bit later – it is only 9:00. That’s 4 hours earlier than I ever even think of going to bed.

It was Bubbas birthday today. I really wanted to make it a special day but I think I failed miserably. Well, not that bad, but it wasn’t his best day ever. I was too crabby, didn’t take the time to sit and play with him every time he wanted me to, I just felt like crap. I did do the school thing though. I went and stayed all day in his class and did his “works” with him. I am amazed at what he can actually do without me. I should give him more responsibility.

They have some neat things “works” they do at his school. Stuff that I wouldn’t think would interest kids, that they totally dig. One of the things he did today was a water work. He got a tray (everything is on a tray and you do it in your area of the table) that had a small rag, a turkey baster (you know, the thing you suck the juice out of the pan with when you cook a turkey) a piece of indented plastic, one looked like a pond, and a water pitcher with a spout. The “work” was to suck the water and then squirt it into the pitcher. Interestingly, I didn’t even wonder if the kids ever squirted each other until this very moment.

Another one was a counting thing to learn odd and even numbers. There were tiles numbered 1-10 and counting pieces about the size of a dime. The kids lay out the tiles and then count the pieces to match the number. So the 1 tile has 1 piece, the 2 tile has 2 pieces under it. BUT they have to place the pieces with a buddy, this is how they learn odd an even – the even numbers all have a buddy. Bubba is having trouble with this one, he wants to set the pieces up to look like dice instead of with buddies.

So at the end of class we did a snack for his birthday. His teacher had told me that there are a gluten and peanut allergy in his class so I was trying to think of something everyone could eat…. They got Jell-o jigglers (finger Jell-o) on cute animal plates. Am I the coolest Mom or what? Well I tried at least. Then we went to Dad’s work and shared the left-overs.

Cranky pants

Well, I am on my third day of my 4-day weekend. You'd think I would be relaxed and feeling great. Unfortunately I have not slept more than 4 hours at a stretch since I don't know when - Including this weekend. Punkin Head keeps waking - she got some molars. And if she didn't wake, Bubba had growing pains that woke him in the night. Its been a miserable week and a half. I feel like I need a caffine IV just to function. I am in a bad place right now.

But in good news, we had Bubba's 5th b-day party at McDonalds Saturday. It was great. If you ask him what was the best part he says "EVERYTHING!!" Apparently he really enjoyed it. Tonight we are having his family party at the Mexican restaurant he likes. He loves it when they sing. One year he chose Red Robin because he wanted them to sing to him. Funny kid.

Well, I thought I had a lot to say, but sitting by the fire reading sounds better to me.

Words words words

Everyone has new phrases and words this week. Punkin Head has her own version of "thank you, crackers, mom, dad, Harry and Hannah," which are absolutely adorable. She absolutely refuses please in any form, sign language or spoken. Bubba has a new phrase (thanks to 4 days with his Auntie Dani) "snap!" which pretty much means any word you want it to cuss or otherwise. My Honey counseled him on using it for good words only not bad words. Luckily he didn't pick up "suck!" and "I own your shorts!" from the adults playing Monopoly. OOPS! Forgot who we had in the room.

ps have I mentioned I LOVE the new beta-blogger spell check??!!

Birth day and Birthday

When he was first born we called him "Harry-Lou-Who" because he reminded us of the Who's from Whoville in the How the Grinch Stole Christmas. That picture is of him on his birth day.

Now, almost 5, he looks much more like a regular kid. Another photo taken at Guemes Island.

Did I mention My Honey bought a new camera?? It's great!!! Takes video too.

Speaking of birthdays; McDonald's is taking care of Bubba's 5th B-day party Saturday! Yay me, no work. No set up, no clean up, no cake, no prep. Just show up and let them take care of it all! Good idea Little Sister #1! And we went out at lunch and bought his present(s) so that is taken care of too. Ahhhh. Now if Christmas stuff felt that taken care of. Oh well, one holiday at a time.

Emotions

Photo: My Dad and my son playing a made up game at the Guemes House during our T-day vacation. Quite a sight. Kind of an emotional one for me; there aren't any pictures like that of me. But I am thankful that Bubba is getting to know his Grandpa and that I am too in the process.

For the past 10 years or so we have spent every-other T-Day at this house on Guemes Island with my Dad his wife, their kids and her mom and dad. It's really a very special time, although exhausting. There isn't a TV, telephone or radio in the house, the only way on or off the Island is by ferry. The weather this year was very bad, cold, wet and snowy!! We couldn't believe it when we woke on Saturday and we could see snow on the islands. Wow. It didn't stop us from our traditional 3 mile walk Friday, but it did on Saturday - too cold. We ate and drank and ate some more. Played plenty of Monopoly, Yatzee, I attempted Scrabble with Bubba, and did two puzzles. Can't leave Guemes without a puzzle getting done. It becomes the obsession.

So much for Disney

Yesterday Bubba came down from my bedroom where he had been watching the Disney Channel (I thought) and says "Mom, I can't watch that show on TV anymore, there are people smoking on it."

My first visual is of "real" people smoking. What show is on Disney where there are people smoking? Then I thought maybe he changed the channel so I asked him if it was still on Disney and he said yes. My next thought was "WHAT ARE THOSE DISNEY PEOPLE THINKING??" So as I went through my mental Disney catalogue - 101 Dalmatians; Cruella Deville smokes, Lady and the Tramp; Mr Darling smokes.... and the list goes on, I realized that it was probably "just" a Disney movie. But it was a great opportunity to talk to Bubba about how things around us, TV, books, magazines and people can influence us. That he will have to know what is right and wrong or good and bad and make choices about what to watch, who to hang out with and what to read.

We have had some big stuff this month. Growth. Sheesh, can't they stay little forever?

Party time

Now I am one.
Punkin Head's birthday is Saturday but we had her party last week. She was a good little guest of honor. Her Auntie D came to visit for the party with my Dad and his wife.

Aren't they cute? Cousin M came over to make cookies last week. They had a good time. It was interesting the difference in how the two kids (who are only 9 months apart) cut out their cookies; Bubba just did them willy-nilly all over the dough, Cousin M was careful to line them up in neat rows. Tells a lot about their personalities.

Loss

I lost a friend the other day. She was killed in a tragic collision on Blewett Pass Friday. I’ts been a sucky week. She left behind two teen-age girls. My heart aches for those girls. Aches big. Her name was Jennifer. I met her when I started to do Yoga. She was the instructor. She was a great instructor. Have you ever had a teacher of any kind that just knew how to get through to you? That just knew what you needed that day? She was that kind of teacher. She had a gift, she really did. And she could communicate with everyone - if they let her - to help them. I was blessed and touched and very lucky to know her. I really was.

Her memorial service was yesterday. It was the kind where people were asked to come up and share a story or memory or something. There must have been 300 people there. It was amazing. People kept saying the same kind of thing over and over - Jennifer was special. She had a gift. She had a light. She gave her all. She was open, accepting. Even if you didn’t know her, you knew her. And she knew you. It was really healing for her family. They don't live around here and they were touched at how many people Jennifer affected. Genuinely touched. You really never know, until someone is gone, who they touched. I was amazed at the "7 degrees of Jennifer." A lot of people I know knew her.

Life is a beautiful thing. Family is a beautiful thing. As we enter this season of Thanksgiving and Christmas remember to tell your family you love them. You never know when they will be gone.

I am going to go call my sister now.

Snow!

Can you see it, can you see it, can you see it??

It's snowing! Ahhh, I love it. The only thing I wish for every year is that it snows by my birthday. It usually does, at least a little. Mother Nature doesn't ususally let me down.

It probably won't stick, it will be gone in an hour or so, but it was worth it for the fix. Then it can come back in December in time for Bubba's birthday.