Thursday, September 14, 2006

Music to my ears

We had a project helping a friend lay sod on Tuesday evening after work. Bubba and Punkin Head went to grandma's. Bubba decided to spend the night. As I was picking up Punkin Head Bubba got out a new box of toys including a musical recorder - you know the type you play? As we were telling him to put the toys away he starts playing. We tell him again to put the toys away and he says, without missing a beat "I know, I know, I just wanted to play a relaxing song." We all nearly fell apart laughing; first of all recorder music isn't that relaxing and second his song was far from any tune I know. Too funny. Too quick with a response. What kind of responses will I get as he gets older? Even quicker and more clever? Scary.

Punkin Head is sick. Seems like she has a little of everything. She sees the doctor in an hour. I hope they find something. She was awake screaming in pain for an hour last night. I called the on-call number and about the time they finally returned my call (THIRTY - yes 3-0 minutes) later she had just stopped.

It sounded like stomach pain to the on-call lady - who was calling from somewhere in Seattle? (Not sure I get that, but I will bring it up when I go in today.) Which is entirely possible. She has a terrible time with being regular. We had even started a new medicine to help her be more regular. It didn't work too well. So I am stressing that there is something wrong with her intestines and thinking of all the worst things that could happen. On top of that we leave for vacation on Tuesday. She has to be well by then, either that or it becomes grandma's problem and I hate the idea of that. So wish us well at the doctor. I hope there is something they can tell me.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Ahh haa moment

I had an ahh haa moment the other night. My Honey and I were out to dinner and I realized as I was talking to him that I have been searching for the wrong thing.

For the past I-don't-know-how-many-years I have searched for a good girlfriend. I have had a handful of good girlfriends over my lifetime but we are all in different places now and I am (finally) okay with that, but I think I need a good girlfriend in my life. So I search, I pray and I wait. And wait. And I get lonely and depressed. That depression has been a little worse with my whole hormonal, post-partum-ness. So I talked to my doctor. She was great. Thankfully she is not the kind to do pills, she suggested that it could be a spiritual matter (probably right) and that I need a good girlfriend.

I wonder what to do. Ironically I wish I had someone to talk to. I keep thinking about what a loser I must be, what do I do that makes people not want to hang with me? Why don't people ever call me? And stuff like that. Which I don't really think is true, but sometimes I just get down about me.

My Honey does what he can to encourage me. Suggests that I call others. He sees me happiest when I am helping someone else. So I open myself up to our church group we've been meeting with regularly. I tell them that I am looking for a good girlfriend. Not that they haven't been there for me, they have. But its that one-on-one that I think I need. And I am not going to them begging for a friend, I'm just putting myself out there; here's the real me. What I really want is an awareness of others around me, maybe there is someone that I see regularly that could be that good girlfriend?

So a couple weeks go by. I am totally aware of the women in my life. I silently critique them like I did men that I dated ("men", that's funny, they were all boys I married when I was 21). And do you know what I realized? I have a good girlfriend. I have about 10. I am blessed with at least 10 women who support me in different ways every day. Some through e-mail, some at work, some as a mom, some as a spiritual confidant. I was looking for that ONE person that would be it all. But that kind of friend is now many. And I need to learn the strengths of the women around me and lean on them when I am weak where they are strong. Wow. What an ahh haa.

Do you get it? Has anyone else gone through this? I feel so much better. I really do. I kept looking for that one good girlfriend. What I have is several and I am lucky I realized it before too late. Thanks to all of you that are my good girlfriends. I am lucky to have you.