Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Somewhere these things pop up and I am a sucker ... AND it turns out to be my favorite color.

What color is your brain

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Oh the guilt

Punkin Head. She needs to sleep through the night. Every night, starting about a year ago. So we work on it. And by "we" I mean I. It is tough to let her cry it out. I just cant stand it. I try to tell myself "just 5 minutes" or what ever arbitrary time-frame I choose but I rarely make it.

So last night I tried again. I heard her at 1:30 ish, talking to herself. No need for me to even think of checking on her. About an hour later she sounded like she was trying to sleep, just a few wah-wah's here and there (every 4 minutes if you must know). Then she was quiet for about 30 minutes. Then she was wah-wahing again. This went on until around 4am. Finally all was quiet and I didn't get up to check on her a single time. I was pretty pleased. Exhausted, but pleased. And, bless his heart, My Honey seemed to sleep through the entire thing.

At 6 when she was awake and sounded like she needed a bottle, I delegated it to the one who slept through the night so I could get a few extra minutes of shut-eye. I hear him make the bottle, change her (messy) diaper and put her back to bed. All the while I am not getting any extra shut-eye at all, I am listening to them thinking "wonder how long she had that messy diaper? I really should have checked on her at 2 or 2:30 or 3 or 3:30 ..." So My Honey comes back to bed, tells me something about not feeling guilty for letting her cry it out. And I try not to feel guilty.

At 8 something, Punkin Head wakes for the day. I go into her room and the first thing I notice is the SMELL. I smell puke. So then I start to feel bad for not checking on her at 7-ish when I heard her fuss a little. Only then I realize its not from 7 am its probably from way, way, way earlier than that. Maybe from when she went to bed last night. I have no way of knowing. Except that I could have known if I had checked on her last night.

But don't worry about it, there's no reason to feel guilty.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Think In Blog

Do you ever "think in blog" and then forget to post because you were thinking about it? I do. I can't believe its been over 10 days, I keep thinking of things to write about...

One of the things we did recently was go to an informational dinner for a private school. Yes I am still obsessing about Kindergarten. This school, The River Academy is a "Classical Christian" school. They use a classical approach. I found a blog that talked about just such a thing yesterday in my drive to obsess fully. I totally see this approach working for Bubba. But the parent involvement ... am I up to that? And I heard the families are mostly stay at home moms ...

Now I appreciate and respect that they have what it takes to stay at home with their kids all day and all night serving their family, its just not for me. I was involved with a group of mostly SAHM's and it was really hard for me to relate to them, and them to me. I felt judged, unaccepted and shunned. Some of this was me. I will admit to having a chip on my shoulder too. I feel guilty, ashamed and selfish for working sometimes. I mean, why would you bring kids into this world just to send them to be raised by someone else. I totally understand. But I know my limits. I know I can't be home all the time, that I need a break and a place to not to be a mom. Not only that, I choose to work when it will have the least affect on my family. I still spend a large portion of the day with the kids and I am blessed with a MIL that watches the kids lovingly (yes, I am justifying).

So there's that, and I also heard that they expect the man to take the lead in dealing with school problems. Now ... this would be a problem. I try not to nag My Honey. Sometimes its an effort,, there is nothing I would like more than to call every day and ask "did you do laundry, did you do the dishes, did you spend some time with each of the kids, did you ...") But I choose not to. If he had to deal with all school issues, there is the possibility of some serious nagging. I also heard that the parents are snobs. Understandable, it is a private school. So all these things added up pretty much make me wonder if its worth the trouble just for a "classical education."

A few weeks ago Bubba was watching Tom & Jerry cartoons. I mentioned that I used to watch Tom & Jerry too. He gets all wide-eyed and asks "Did you have Cartoon network when you were little too?" Which made me laugh and answer "No Bubba, we didn't have Cartoon network, we actually only had 5 channels on our TV and cartoons were only on in the morning before school and on Saturdays." He thought about this for a moment and then, in his child-like innocence said "Did you have cable or dish network?" Talk about funny! To think that my kids will never know less than 75 channel choices, cartoons available 24/7, and whippy-skippy fast Internet. They will never know a house without at least 2 TV's, 2 computers, DVD's and video games. Technology.

Punkin Head is quite the character. She was touching my lap top recently so I told her "No." She touched it again, I told her "No, and if you touch it again I will slap your hand." She looked at me and chose to touch it again, so I slapped her hand and told her "No, and you will get slapped again if you touch it." She touched it a final time, was slapped and that was that test.

A few days later she was near something that is dangerous and she shouldn't touch, Bubba told me so I went in and told her, "Don't touch that its dangerous and I will slap your hand if you touch it again." The booger looks right at me, reaches her hand out and then pulls it back, GIVING HERSELF THE SLAP ON HER HAND. I was slightly startled and then thought it was funny. And brilliant. She remembered from at least a week previous (or longer). Yikes, another smart one.

A few days later when I was on the lap top she was in my lap for a minute and she slapped MY hand for touching it. Still quite smart.

She is 16 months old now and still doesn't walk. But she climbs the stairs?? She is making progress though, she is just choosing a slow path. Wants to get every step perfect (literally). She is at least pulling herself up on the furniture now, she still won't take steps, but I am getting over worrying about it.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Aging, a soapbox and good news

Well, I was confronted with my age this week in a way I didn't like at all.

I went in for a yearly exam. No big deal (except for the complete violation of ME). Afterward, my Doctor tells me that we should probably get a baseline mammogram before I am 40 so we have it on file. So I start to respond that I have a few years, but in reality - well, no I don't. Before I am 40 is, well it turned out to be today at 2:30.

What a process. Thankfully my new friend Amy was kind, funny and well, not gentle but she knew how to get my less-than-A-cup-boobies right where she needed them. A lot of practice I am sure. How would you like that as a clinical trial? "We are looking for women under 40 who have never had a mammogram so we can train in proper technique." Uh, no thanks. Not even for a thousand bucks. Well, maybe for a thousand bucks.

But as with all precautionary things, it should be done. Apparently you should have a baseline done before you are 40 and then yearly after that. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family, you should have one done sooner that that. (There, done with the soapbox.)

It sure made me feel old though, knowing someone thinks I am that close to the big 4-0. Or that I am considered close to 4-0. YIKES. I had hoped my 30's might last 3 more years!

And just to make me fee a little older: I did a Pilates class on Tuesday that I am still sore from. Coughing and sneezing have really sucked today!

In good news, Punkin Head's rash is all but gone, everyone seems healthy, the sun has been shining and its DST (daylight savings time) soon.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

And then

And then Punkin Head broke out in a rash. Hives all over her poor little body from head (and I mean on her scalp) to toe, and I do mean toe. She was one big red blob. Cause? Unknown, could be the amoxicillin, which means she is labeled as allergic to penicillin forever or it could just be the way her little body responded to whatever virus she happened to catch. What ever the hell it was, let it be gone! I think I have had my share of sick.


I always think twice about sharing a work story, but this one, well, you decide. I worked the Fire/EMS desk last week, pretty boring until there was an aid call or fire call and then I was on. Working this 3am to 1pm shift has been less than productive. I miss most of the good stuff and I definitely miss the busy times of the day. Such was true last week too. I had only one aid call up until around 10 am and it was for a male that had pulled out his catheter. (Yeah, I winced too) and he was bleeding from his ... well you get the picture, and I do want you to picture it, he has pulled out a catheter and is bleeding from his ...

So my job is to send an ambulance. The ambulance responds, transports him to the hospital. Not a big deal. Later the ambulance tells me they are taking him back to his house, I assume his catheter is back in place. An hour later someone calls again asking for the ambulance to return, his catheter has been pulled out again (same wince). So they go. By this time I am laughing in a dispatch-sick way. We deal with trauma everyday, laughing about someone elses pain lets off steam.

The ambulance transports him as we are having our crotch-grabbing laugh. One of my co-workers husbands works for the hospital where he was transported. Just so happens she is working when I mention that my only calls have been for the catheter-guy. She starts to tell me how they probably called her husband in because he is a catheter specialist. Really?? Thanks for the visual. Now I have the picture of her husband inserting catheters burned onto my eyeballs. Thanks. Just what I needed I tell her. This really brings on the laughter. Then she continues to tell us, yeah at his his old hospital it was his specialty, they used to call him in for that kind of work, he was especially good with prostate cancer patients. Alright, already, I have the image of him with penis in hand (literally) inserting catheters burned into my brain now, thanks!! But I cannot resist just one more comment "he must have a gentle touch" (or genital touch) Am I bad or what? Sick sick sick.

side note: I am half afraid to publish this with "penis" and "genital" in it.

Sunday, March 04, 2007


Well, we made it home in one piece then everyone fell apart.

Bubba was okay enough to go to school on Monday after we got home, but stayed home the rest of the week for a variety of sickness; fever, vomit and recovery. Punkin Head was catching something the whole weekend at my dads, coughed pretty bad on the way home (not my best trip ever) and ended up with an ear infection, runny nose turned into vomit. She is finally seeming better today. What a week. On top of all that, my sister and My Honey's sister were both due in town this weekend. My sister was supposed to stay with me but ended up at our other sisters house due to the throwing up baby. My Honey's sister did come visit so I was able to see her and her hubby for a few minutes (between vomits). AND it was my long work week too.

I am done in. I could probably go to bed and sleep until Friday!! Thankfully it IS my Friday, so I get a couple days off, work 3 days and then off for my 4-day weekend. *sigh* Looking forward to that.