Monday, January 28, 2008

Thats love

When he saw her lying unconscious on the bathroom floor his heart couldn't take it. He called 911 to report her condition but never indicated that he was having any problems of his own. The aid crew arrived and found that that they had 2 patients. The woman, dead before they arrived and her husband, dying from a broken heart. They worked him and rushed him to the hospital as soon as the deputy arrived at the death investigation.

One of the many examples of what goes on out in the field and we have no idea until its over. When the aid crew called out with CPR in progress we assumed it was the woman for whom the ambulance was sent in the first place. I believe we were wrong.

Bubba is doing much better today. He was such a trooper! Twice while he was being sick he was so dang funny - is that mean to say? There he is, all 37 pounds of him, puking his guts out and I am in the bathroom with him saying reassuring things like "Don't worry, Baby... You're being so brave, Baby... Just let it come out, Baby."

At one point on Saturday night (as he is puking) we have this conversation:
"Do me a favor..." (puke)
"Sure, what is it?"
"don't call..." (puke)
"me..." (puke)
"babyanymore..." (puke)
(I hide a grin as my heart kind of breaks) "okay Bab...Bub ... dude."

On Sunday, after eating a red Popsicle that didn't stay down, this is our conversation:
"Don't worry..." (puke)
"its not..." (puke)
"blood..." (puke)
"just red..." (puke)
"Popsicle" we finish together.

Who does that? Has a complete conversation while they are puking? I don't think I can think when I am being sick. I am concentrating on getting it over with. What a kid.

I kept him home from school today, his fever didn't break until sometime during the night. Its a good thing too, he has been taking a nap since noon-ish. I should probably wake him up soon.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


So much for a weekend "off." Bubba came down with the flu. The worst possible scenario you can imagine. It started on Saturday afternoon (coming out both ends) and we still aren't in the clear. Currently he is lying helpless in the family room, fever of about 101 all curled up afraid to eat anything because it might find its way back out. Poor kid. He has been quite a trooper through this whole thing. Its no fun being sick.

Its no fun being the mom of a sick kid either. My Honey tries, but he is kind of worthless when it comes to sick stuff. Even after having kids for six years now, he still has no idea what to do to help. OK, first of all, take the well child away. Second, when the sick kid and mom are sleeping the next morning, do the laundry - especially the puked-on stuff from the day before. Third, don't leave the house for the day. Just a few things. No big deal really. Until the sick child throws up again and the well child is scared because mom ran out of the room to go be with sick child. It has been quite a day.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


I certainly lucked out! I have a new trainee at work and he is great. Easy to work with, open to comments/criticism, asks a lot of good questions and really wants to be good a the job. I am enjoying working with him, and so far it's pretty easy. So that is all good. We are training on my favorite frequency - all my old chums from when I first started dispatching. I hadn't realized how much I missed them these past couple months. Someone else had their frequency for training purposes and I have stayed off their frequency because I knew that I wouldn't get a break from them for awhile once I had a trainee on board. But I sure did miss them.

Its my weekend. Unfortunately I have a short overtime shift on Monday morning (3-7am) but that shouldn't be too bad. I still get the majority of the day off and two in a row.

The kids and I went to the Y today so I could do aerobics. I should really be keeping track of how often I am working out. Lets see, that made 3 classes this week I think. Today's class was a combo class. The instructor did a wonderful job of mixing it up. We alternated step aerobics then boxercise for 45 minutes straight, then 30 minutes of strength and stretching. I loved it and she was a great instructor too. I am very happy with the results of my workouts. The whole point is to firm up and it seems to be working.

Well, thats all I have for today.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Cryptic notes

It's just after 8pm. The kids are in bed, My Honey is out for a well-deserved night with his buddy and here I sit. Fire going, laptop on, just sitting. Thinking. In my (nearly) 100 things post I said I tend to obsess, and over think but seldom over react. This is true right now for me. What I have on my mind is no big deal, really. But it is occupying a lot of my brain space right now. Why am I allowing that? I don't know. Why don't I just confront the problem and let it go away, or work itself out? Maybe I like the problem too much?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Good Reflection

"Am I as spontaneously kind to God as I used to be, or am I only expecting God to be kind to me? ... How much kindness have I shown Him in the past week? Has my life been a good reflection on His reputation? ... Am I as filled to overflowing with love for Jesus Christ as I was in the beginning, when I went out of my way to prove my devotion to Him?" My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers daily devotional for January 21.

Has my life been a good reflection on His reputation? Hmmm, depends on what part of my life you are looking at.

The end of the devotional says "...I may also begin to realize that He is not what He used to be to me. When this happens, I should allow the shame and humiliation it creates to bring godly sorrow and 'godly sorrow produces repentance ...'(2 Corinthians 7:10)"

Obviously this is speaking to me on a very personal level right now. The thing is, I ain't ready to face the shame, humiliation or repentance right now. My pride is getting in the way.
In other news, its fricking freezing cold here. I think it was 9 degrees when I went to work this morning. This is part of the 6 weeks of winter where I wish we had a better heat system in the house, instead I have become an expert fire-starter. The fireplace is going almost non-stop either from the time I wake up or from the time I get home after work until I go to bed. Brrrrrr. Thankfully there is no wind or it would be unbearable out. Trouble is it's deceptively beautiful. Bright blue skies, the sun is shining, but its COLD. Since there were no clouds last night with the nearly full moon it was really, really pretty. I was wishing I was out in the sticks taking moon-light photos of snow covered fields or mountains or something. That would have been really (cold) cool.

Monday, January 21, 2008

So much for nothin

Its been a few days and I feel like I should post something, but I got nothin.

I spent the past 5 days working, 3 of them 12 hour shifts. On Saturday when I got off work at 3, I came home, grabbed Miss I and left to go grocery shopping. I also had some items to return to my sister and sister-in-law so off we went. I stopped at LS2's house and dropped off the stuff to her and then headed to my Local SIL's house.

Once there I invited her to go shopping with Miss I and me. I had checked with the finance committee and he agreed that there was some dollars for new jeans. Boy did mama need new jeans! So off we 3 girls went.

I decided to check out Maurices because that is where I got my last favorite pair of jeans that looked hot and I was in the mood for more hot jeans. Three great things happened at Maurices. The kind sales lady told us about the SALE TABLE. The jeans there were 50% off! So I tried on jeans after jeans after jeans. I finally got the right size (which was my first great thing that happened, they were the next size down from what I originally picked out) and it turned out they had 2 pair in the that fit pretty well on the SALE TABLE (second great thing)! So I bought them both! Yay me, new hot jeans. In a LONG SIZE too (third great thing). Extra yay! All in all it was a good shopping trip.

I returned LSIL to her house and Miss I and I continued our shopping. My Honey had asked for two things while I was out, whiskey and diet coke. Guess what I forgot to bring home? Yep, whiskey! I am such a dork. Or exhausted. So off I went to get the whiskey. Then I got home and realized I had also forgotten the diet coke. I am not drinking it anymore (over 2 months now) so I forget to buy it. Silly me. My poor Honey. Luckily there was one can left so he made do. I must have been really tired.

Sunday a new trainee started with me. He is a sharp kid, should be an easy trainee. Hopefully I wont have to have any discussions with him like I did the last one. Those discussions were actually really good for me. They grew me really well. But its not something I want to have to do with everyone. (Yet another reason not to supervise.)

For some reason I had trouble sleeping last night. I woke at 1am and was awake until after 3. I think the few days of waking at 2 for work threw me off. Unfortunately I only have one day to get caught up. I am working an OT shift tomorrow... Oh well, at least I have hot new jeans to wear!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

What I did today

I don't think working moms (myself included) give ourselves enough credit when it comes to the shit we get done every day. Not only that, no one else gives us the kudos we deserve either. So I thought I would just mention the things I did today - if I can remember them all just to see if I am full of hot air or if the list is as impressive as I am tired. So here goes:

4:00 (am) That's when my alarm went off for the day
The next hour is spent primping, commuting (a whopping 10 minutes) and getting ready for my work day.
By 4:50 I am seated in my chair waiting for something to do.
I spend the next 10 hours working a console in a center that dispatches fire/ems and law enforcement to a two-county area in Washington State. Today's calls included some accidents, civil situations, phone call transfers to other departments, giving out phone numbers to other local agencies, and listening to one particularly loony woman tell me she has alligators, ware wolves and Santa Claus coming out of her...? In between I do have some fun with my co-workers around the area. We gab in our down time, read the latest gossip rags and keep up on each others lives.

At 3:00 I headed for the gym. I only did a cardio workout today, but this week I have increased my speed, time and distance! I am pretty happy with that, but missing the strength training.

3:30 I headed to my MIL's to pick up the kids.

Around 4ish we were getting Bubba's hair cut. He needed it badly so we finally just did it. After the haircut was the traditional trip to the Dollar Store for a treat. The gal at the barbershop was great, Miss I wanted her hair cut too "Me nee" she was screaming as she touched her hair, so the gal sat her in a seat and combed her hair out. She was Miss Special after that.

It must have been close to 5 pm when we got home the kids turned on a video and I started a fire, because it was freezing cold today, and got going on dinner. My original thought was pizza - quick and easy, but I knew I had planned something else, I just couldn't remember what it was. Somewhere along the lines I got the kids a snack, packed my lunch for tomorrow and remembered I had planned French Dip sandwiches. So I re-set the oven, go the aus jus going and started on chicken nuggets for the kids. They sat down to eat around 5:30ish and My Honey got home a few minutes later.

During dinner My Honey and I try to review our days but the kids need just as much attention so it is hard to do sometimes.

After dinner I read the kids a few books then around 6:15 it was jammie time.

It was maybe 6:45 when I took Miss I to bed and started to read to Bubba. We finished The Trumpet of the Swan tonight. I have never read it, its a pretty good book.

After the kids were down I got my clothes ready for tomorrow (I work so early I get all my stuff ready the night before, isn't that thoughtful of me?).

Then I did dishes, folded a few loads of laundry, got some more started, FIXED A RUNNING TOILET and straightened up the house.

Lets see, did I leave anything out? Oh yeah, I also packed my workout gear for tomorrow. And now its nearing 8pm and I just got a call to come in early to work tomorrow. Figures, I have 2 more OT shifts this week too. Oh well. No rest for the weary.

And that's an easy day in my life.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Following the lead

I called an old friend (we have known each other since grade school when I moved into her neighborhood) to go out last night. We have not gotten together regularly for over a year, but she has been on my mind a lot lately.

I had a hunch the things we would talk about, but I was so wrong. We got caught up on kids, work, church, school and then she dropped a bomb. She has to have major surgery on Monday. The kind that forever changes the chances of her having kids. She is in a really tough place and I don't even know what to say. Its so not a place I have ever been. I have always taken care NOT to get pregnant, I don't even know the right words to say to someone who has wanted nothing more than to have kids and has not been able to. She has been blessed with 3 adopted kids, but has held onto that dream of birthing a child and now, she has had to make a decision to take all that away. Permanently.

She has spoken freely of how inferior others have made her feel for not being able to have kids. As if she did something wrong to "cause" it. Of how people have asked "Are you going to have any kids of your own?" Bless her heart she just answers "These kids are all my own" with a gentleness and grace that I don't think I could muster day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year.

I find myself wondering why I am in her life right now? How can I support her? What can I do? Its kind of a running theme with several folks. What was that new years mental attitude adjustment I had? Something about "making the best of all social situations? Getting to know others." Oh and my personal favorite "its not about me." Hmmm.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Weekend review

Well, the fam-damily is gone. Our last Christmas is finally done, and Bubba is at school (for a few more minutes). It was great having my sister and her son here. Between the three kids though, there wasn't much down time. Then we had my mom, aunt, sister and her daughter over for dinner last night. The four kids did really well eating together at the "kids table". Better than any of us thought they would I think. Dinner was good, we had ham, scalloped potatoes, salad, carrots and apple crisp for dessert. The girls (my sisters) helped a ton with set up and clean up. They are so good to me.

Speaking of good to me, My Honey is also very good to me. We had a rough night last night, Miss I woke at 10:30 for some unknown reason, then Bubba woke at 4am (which was when I went into his room to sleep) then Miss I woke at 5:45 or so and then Bubba again at about 6:30 and that was it for everyone for the day. So we got up, got everyone ready for their day, breakfast, teeth brushed, "day-time clothes" and then I took a shower. In my shower was a note from My Honey written in bath tub crayon on the wall "I love you R" with a heart. It was pretty sweet. Then he told me to try and plan something tonight after he gets home. I must look like I need a break! Come to think of it I do need a break. And a massage.

The greatest thing about this weekend was I actually got a weekend! (knock on wood) I have not been called into work yet! Which is really nice. I think its been since November that I had all 4 days of my 4 day weekend off. Ahhhhh.

HIP HIP HOORAY! My camera came home today. Thank goodness I was really missing it!

Saturday, January 12, 2008


My sister is here! Yay! I love to have company it gives me someone to show off to and a reason to clean the house.

Speaking of clean the house, I didn't have to do it all on my own. My Honey came home from work last night asking what my plans were for cleaning. So we set to cleaning, he downstairs and me upstairs. It worked out really well. Then I finished up late this morning - AFTER AEROBICS!! Just a little pat on my back, I actually got up, got out of the house and got to the Y in time for an 8:45 aerobics class. Even though it was snowing. Way to go me! I am going to be hurting tomorrow, she worked our legs really well, and arms too, and come to think of it, everything.

Later in the day we went to my moms house and sledded on her hill. I have forgotten, or I never knew how much I like sledding. Fun stuff! Too bad my camera is still broke! I would have had some fun, fun pictures. It should be back soon, my camera all fixed up. Only cost me close to $150. But it will be worth it.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Mum's the word

I have this incident on my mind from work today, but ... well ... too bad. Lets just say it made my heart stop and left me speechless for a few minutes and I just had to say a prayer of thanksgiving for deputies/officers who err on the side of caution. God bless our men in uniform - all uniforms, they never know what they are walking into. Today I wonder if I would have been better off not knowing . Nope, it makes me better at my job to really know what goes on out there. It makes me care a little more for my guys.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008


If you had been lying in my bed this morning with my two boy H's you would have overheard this after a quick kiss from me to My Honey: "I don't want you guys making out while I am in here." Then a ton of laughter! Once we regained our composure I asked Bubba what "making out" was, he told me it was kissing and that if his dad and I were kissing it was gross but if I was kissing him its alright. Guess where he learned that? TV.
Dinner went well with my supervisor-co-worker. It was enlightening, but didn't change my mind. She had some good points to consider but I still think I will stay where I am at. After I got home from dinner My Honey and I discussed it some more, he started talking dollars and cents and that was the clincher - there is no amount of money to get me to do that job for the current administration.
Discipline has become tougher lately. For some reason no one seems to hear me unless I YELL AT THEM. It's becoming old real fast. It's tiring and it upsets us all. But here is the interesting part: any time I go and apologize to Bubba about yelling, because I don't think its right, and he deserves an apology when I can't control myself, you know what he says to me? He says "that's okay Mom, because I know you love me." It moves me to tears almost every time. And it makes me look at my life, my childhood of yelling and being yelled at (and there was plenty of it) and I can honestly say I never would have been able to say that to my mom. Never. So I guess I am doing something right. Either that or he has totally figured out how to manipulate me.
I have been working out regularly for the past couple weeks, its not much, but it was something. Well, I fell off the wagon this week. However, I think all the shoveling I have done the past two days and I hauled wood today should make me feel pretty good and count as workouts, what do you think?

Monday, January 07, 2008


Well, we made it to the sledding party. I only drove 20 miles out of the way, but thats no big deal. Bubba was amazing. He actually sledded. I wasn't sure if he would or not. But he did. He did until he had made himself sick. Literally. He started out just a little ways up the hill and then would go two steps further and then more and more until he made it nearly to the top. I wouldn't let him go from the top, I was too worried. He's pretty light and I was watching some little kids go flying! This one little girl, I am in love with her and her dad, she was a little daredevil. She would come flying down the hill, crash at the bottom and then get up with this look on her face like "what" as she held one mitten in sort of an embarrassed way to her face. She was adorable. Her dad seemed like a lot of fun! He brought hot dogs to roast in the middle of winter over the bonfire! I want to know them better.

The only person that had been seriously injured when I left, was the host of the party, trying to keep up with the Jonses. He and the aforementioned fun guy were trying to see who could sled farthest. Well, my friends sled ended up dumping him on his face bloodying his nose and possibly giving him a black eye. Unfortunately for him, he is an attention-getting-prank-pulling-nut so no one really thought he was hurt. Not until we saw the blood running down his face after he had been flat on the ground for a good 10 minutes. I felt a little bad, but it really wasn't my place to check on him was it? His best friend and wife were right there ... Anyway, it was a lot of fun. No, I wasn't miss social butterfly. But I don't think I failed miserably, I just didn't open my wings and fly. I just sort of opened them a little to test them out. Baby steps right?

Their place is out in the sticks with all this wide open space. The scenery was beautiful. Fresh snow had fallen over all these wheat fields. Rolling hills everywhere covered in white with the sun just starting to set. And the sky! It was alive with stars. I would go there again in a heartbeat just for the atmosphere. When my camera is done I want to go out there to take pictures. Unfortunately, it's still at the shop and I couldn't take a single picture of Harry sledding. I am a little disappointed, he would have looked tiny standing at the foot of the hill with his little saucer sled in hand. Another time I guess.

Speaking of snow, we got hit with a ton of snow on Friday and another couple inches last night and I heard there was a winter weather watch for tonight so maybe some more snow? Yay! I love it when it snows, its so beautiful.


I had in interesting conversation with a supervisor at work yesterday. She was asking me if I was interested in supervising again. I said "Hell No" but she persisted and asked me some questions that got me thinking. So we are going to have dinner tonight. I will at least listen to what she has to say. Either way, I could use the ego stroke.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

I knew it

Yep, just as I predicted My Honey jumped right on my re-arrange-the-family-room bandwagon and did his part too. He had been wanting to move the desk and computer around so once I opened the room up he did. Amazing aren't I?

Right now the kids are up here in the living room playing with dolls. Both of them. Its very cute. Miss I has to do everything her brother is doing, including spreading a blanket on the floor. She wants it perfect, so it doesn't have a wrinkle in it. Needless to say its reduced her to tears twice already. Perfection. Hmmm, wonder where she gets that? And she wants to do it all herself. Miss I. Unfortunately she doesn't have the words to ask for help yet. She just squeals. And squeals. But when I try to help her she doesn't give in, I have to ask if she is ready for help and what does she want me to do? Then she tries to show me and we are all good. Its quite a difference from Bubba. When he was 2 he was speaking very, very well. She tries but just doesn't care to make her words any way than her own right now.

On my list of accomplishments yesterday, I also took the Christmas tree down and put all the decorations away and cleaned up the living room too. As for the rest of the house, maybe on Monday. Although the Finance Committee approved the house cleaner to come back every other week so I think I will make that call and get her back on board.

Finance Committee. That's what one of my sis-in-laws referred to her husband as the other day and I liked it. Hopefully its just the mental image I need to help me to remember to run purchases by My Honey. So far so good.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Free time

WHEW! I was originally signed up to work a 10 hour overtime shift today. Turns out the person who needed the day off only ended up needing 2 hours off so he came into work! Which left me with a whole day to myself. And I took advantage of it. So what did I do? I went out to lunch with my little sister. Then I came home and shoveled the 5 inches of new snow. My Honey showed up part way through and we worked together on the last half. For the record, it was the second time I broke a sweat today, I also got up early and did an aerobics class at 5:30. I will be so sore tomorrow!

Speaking of working out: since the day after Christmas I have been on the ball! I didn't even wait for new years, just got my ipod-thing going and here I go. What a great work out motivator for me. My music at my fingertips, in my ears. Its perfect. I have even been able to run a pretty decent mile, cool down and then do some weights.

The snow is good stuff, it will make a beautiful snowman. Not that I will get to take any pictures of it, my camera is still at the shop. But It may cancel my trek out of town to the party tomorrow. My Honey hasn't been feeling well and isn't planning on going so he is worried about the roads. Guess we will just have to wait and see, its warmed up now so it may be alright tomorrow. One of the gals I work with commutes from the same area where the party is so I will call her in the morning to see how the roads were.

After the snow and visiting with My Honey while he ate lunch then I went downstairs to clean up. Its been awhile and it needed to be cleaned up while the kids were gone. I have a couple boxes of things I can get rid of now. I re-arranged it a bit too so its a more open space, but its still not how I want it. Someday later this year. The idea is baby steps, when My Honey sees it he will say, "hey that looks nice, but what if we ....." and then I will get what I want - you know, when its his idea!

My mind is mulling over LSL's comment about confidence. I am nodding my ascent, its true I lack confidence. I just don't see myself as that interesting, but that's the trick, ITS NOT ABOUT ME. Ahhhh, that may be more the issue, learning to listen better to others. To be more verbally interested, because I am interested, I really am, I just don't ever have the words right away to convey that interest, so then I come off as stand-off-ish or snobby. Anyway, it gives me insight on how to improve myself in that way.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

New Year

"One last thing. Resolutions. I don't make resolutions like "I am going to exercise 3 days a week" (although I could use it) or "I am going to eat healthy this year", or even "I will be nicer to my kids." But I do try to make one major mental attitude adjustment. For example one year I just wanted to be more content. So I worked hard at being content. That kind of thing. So this year, and this is hard for me to say, I need to work on obedience/respect. I have a mild issue with authority. My parents, bosses, husband. I would rather not listen to what they are telling me to do (although I want someone to tell me what to do) and do it my way (or not at all). So, that's my new year mental attitude adjustment, to be more obedient and respectful of everyone. Yikes, now its in writing. (Maybe I will just save this as a draft)." From January 3. 2006.

So how did I do? Not too bad I think. I had actually forgotten what I had written until just now. Hmmm, interesting. I made some progress in this arena, and used the words obedient and respect a lot more, but it sounded like I was involved in some kind of abusive relationship, "I am taking this shift because it is being obedient to my husband." Which meant to me that I was listening to his input in my life, and trying to make decisions as a team instead of just making my decisions myself.

I have been thinking about this year as far as a mental attitude adjustment and it goes something like this. I want to make the best of all social situations I am put in. Not hang back and spend the whole time observing, although it is a much more comfortable position for me and I am never bored, I just think it might be time for me to experience life in a different way. So I am putting myself to the test Saturday. We have been invited to a party that is way out of my comfort zone only because I don’t know very many people that will be there. My first baby step is actually going - much to the chagrin of the host. The second will be to try and talk and interact with people I don’t know. ACK!! Did I just say that? I am just such a social dolt. Oh well, I have a whole year to work on it right?

I get so jealous of people like LSL who can meet complete strangers and strike up an hours-long conversation. (Way to go LSL) I would love to get to know others better, I just never seem to know what to say. I can write and ask questions, but the words just never seem to come quick enough. Anyway, I am not beyond being taught or learning something new, so here I go embarking on my most social year ever. Not partying social, but getting to know others social. Wish me luck.

More changes this week at work. I start a new shift with new days off. I will work 5am-3pm and switch from Thursday & Friday off to Monday and Tuesday. It should stay that way for the year. (Unless I demand a re-bid after the guild contract gives me my seniority back.) There is a supervisor position being re-advertised for soon too. Hahaha, not a chance in hell. My Honey said if they approach me I should tell them I will review their offer in writing, that I won't go through the process again because all I got was screwed last time. Not a bad idea. See what obedience has done for me? As if they would even put an offer in writing, they never did last time.