Mum's the word

I have this incident on my mind from work today, but ... well ... too bad. Lets just say it made my heart stop and left me speechless for a few minutes and I just had to say a prayer of thanksgiving for deputies/officers who err on the side of caution. God bless our men in uniform - all uniforms, they never know what they are walking into. Today I wonder if I would have been better off not knowing . Nope, it makes me better at my job to really know what goes on out there. It makes me care a little more for my guys.

Overheard

If you had been lying in my bed this morning with my two boy H's you would have overheard this after a quick kiss from me to My Honey: "I don't want you guys making out while I am in here." Then a ton of laughter! Once we regained our composure I asked Bubba what "making out" was, he told me it was kissing and that if his dad and I were kissing it was gross but if I was kissing him its alright. Guess where he learned that? TV.
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Dinner went well with my supervisor-co-worker. It was enlightening, but didn't change my mind. She had some good points to consider but I still think I will stay where I am at. After I got home from dinner My Honey and I discussed it some more, he started talking dollars and cents and that was the clincher - there is no amount of money to get me to do that job for the current administration.
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Discipline has become tougher lately. For some reason no one seems to hear me unless I YELL AT THEM. It's becoming old real fast. It's tiring and it upsets us all. But here is the interesting part: any time I go and apologize to Bubba about yelling, because I don't think its right, and he deserves an apology when I can't control myself, you know what he says to me? He says "that's okay Mom, because I know you love me." It moves me to tears almost every time. And it makes me look at my life, my childhood of yelling and being yelled at (and there was plenty of it) and I can honestly say I never would have been able to say that to my mom. Never. So I guess I am doing something right. Either that or he has totally figured out how to manipulate me.
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I have been working out regularly for the past couple weeks, its not much, but it was something. Well, I fell off the wagon this week. However, I think all the shoveling I have done the past two days and I hauled wood today should make me feel pretty good and count as workouts, what do you think?

Party

Well, we made it to the sledding party. I only drove 20 miles out of the way, but thats no big deal. Bubba was amazing. He actually sledded. I wasn't sure if he would or not. But he did. He did until he had made himself sick. Literally. He started out just a little ways up the hill and then would go two steps further and then more and more until he made it nearly to the top. I wouldn't let him go from the top, I was too worried. He's pretty light and I was watching some little kids go flying! This one little girl, I am in love with her and her dad, she was a little daredevil. She would come flying down the hill, crash at the bottom and then get up with this look on her face like "what" as she held one mitten in sort of an embarrassed way to her face. She was adorable. Her dad seemed like a lot of fun! He brought hot dogs to roast in the middle of winter over the bonfire! I want to know them better.

The only person that had been seriously injured when I left, was the host of the party, trying to keep up with the Jonses. He and the aforementioned fun guy were trying to see who could sled farthest. Well, my friends sled ended up dumping him on his face bloodying his nose and possibly giving him a black eye. Unfortunately for him, he is an attention-getting-prank-pulling-nut so no one really thought he was hurt. Not until we saw the blood running down his face after he had been flat on the ground for a good 10 minutes. I felt a little bad, but it really wasn't my place to check on him was it? His best friend and wife were right there ... Anyway, it was a lot of fun. No, I wasn't miss social butterfly. But I don't think I failed miserably, I just didn't open my wings and fly. I just sort of opened them a little to test them out. Baby steps right?

Their place is out in the sticks with all this wide open space. The scenery was beautiful. Fresh snow had fallen over all these wheat fields. Rolling hills everywhere covered in white with the sun just starting to set. And the sky! It was alive with stars. I would go there again in a heartbeat just for the atmosphere. When my camera is done I want to go out there to take pictures. Unfortunately, it's still at the shop and I couldn't take a single picture of Harry sledding. I am a little disappointed, he would have looked tiny standing at the foot of the hill with his little saucer sled in hand. Another time I guess.

Speaking of snow, we got hit with a ton of snow on Friday and another couple inches last night and I heard there was a winter weather watch for tonight so maybe some more snow? Yay! I love it when it snows, its so beautiful.

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I had in interesting conversation with a supervisor at work yesterday. She was asking me if I was interested in supervising again. I said "Hell No" but she persisted and asked me some questions that got me thinking. So we are going to have dinner tonight. I will at least listen to what she has to say. Either way, I could use the ego stroke.

New Year

"One last thing. Resolutions. I don't make resolutions like "I am going to exercise 3 days a week" (although I could use it) or "I am going to eat healthy this year", or even "I will be nicer to my kids." But I do try to make one major mental attitude adjustment. For example one year I just wanted to be more content. So I worked hard at being content. That kind of thing. So this year, and this is hard for me to say, I need to work on obedience/respect. I have a mild issue with authority. My parents, bosses, husband. I would rather not listen to what they are telling me to do (although I want someone to tell me what to do) and do it my way (or not at all). So, that's my new year mental attitude adjustment, to be more obedient and respectful of everyone. Yikes, now its in writing. (Maybe I will just save this as a draft)." From January 3. 2006.

So how did I do? Not too bad I think. I had actually forgotten what I had written until just now. Hmmm, interesting. I made some progress in this arena, and used the words obedient and respect a lot more, but it sounded like I was involved in some kind of abusive relationship, "I am taking this shift because it is being obedient to my husband." Which meant to me that I was listening to his input in my life, and trying to make decisions as a team instead of just making my decisions myself.

I have been thinking about this year as far as a mental attitude adjustment and it goes something like this. I want to make the best of all social situations I am put in. Not hang back and spend the whole time observing, although it is a much more comfortable position for me and I am never bored, I just think it might be time for me to experience life in a different way. So I am putting myself to the test Saturday. We have been invited to a party that is way out of my comfort zone only because I don’t know very many people that will be there. My first baby step is actually going - much to the chagrin of the host. The second will be to try and talk and interact with people I don’t know. ACK!! Did I just say that? I am just such a social dolt. Oh well, I have a whole year to work on it right?

I get so jealous of people like LSL who can meet complete strangers and strike up an hours-long conversation. (Way to go LSL) I would love to get to know others better, I just never seem to know what to say. I can write and ask questions, but the words just never seem to come quick enough. Anyway, I am not beyond being taught or learning something new, so here I go embarking on my most social year ever. Not partying social, but getting to know others social. Wish me luck.

More changes this week at work. I start a new shift with new days off. I will work 5am-3pm and switch from Thursday & Friday off to Monday and Tuesday. It should stay that way for the year. (Unless I demand a re-bid after the guild contract gives me my seniority back.) There is a supervisor position being re-advertised for soon too. Hahaha, not a chance in hell. My Honey said if they approach me I should tell them I will review their offer in writing, that I won't go through the process again because all I got was screwed last time. Not a bad idea. See what obedience has done for me? As if they would even put an offer in writing, they never did last time.

First Snow

I really wanted to post this photo two days ago, but three 12 hour shifts has kicked my A. I am just about asleep right now. Thankfully I have tomorrow off. Once I wake up, hopefully in time for dinner, I should be ready to tackle my next really long week. This holiday crap is almost as bad as late summer was.

It was fun to get the first snow of the season! It wasn't much but we went out and watched it fall for a few minutes. I think once Miss I gets to play in it she will love it. She wasn't so sure the other night. It might have been my looking out the dark window and going "Ooh!ooh! I need to get the camera" and then disappearing downstairs in a hurry. I think I scared her.

Nothing to say

Well, I was thinking I wanted to post something today, but what I should really do is clean the house.

I will say:

I am pissed about something at work, (but what's new.)

We had to TAKE OUT THE TOILET in one of our bathrooms because it got that plugged (note to self: close the door when not in use so the kids don't stuff it again). When My Honey put it back he then realized that there are other problems. I don't know exactly what, but something about the ring around the drain (the one under the toilet) is broken ...

We are thinking of doing a re-model project for this winter. Either the living room or family/laundry/bathroom. Either one would be a lot of work, but fun.

We have to get our rental cleaned up for a new renter in December.

I only have one week left until I get to go out of town. Alone. AND I scored an extra day off! Its costing me one, but it will be worth it.

School carnival on Saturday. We're going as a pirate family. ARRRGG.

And it guess that's it for now.

Transition

Our school Open House was Tuesday night. Bubba's teacher let us look at the journals they have been working on. They can draw pictures and write words or just draw pictures. Of course Bubba is drawing and writing. My favorite page was full of yellow orange, some pink, red and a brown mountain-looking thing in the center of the page. He had written "sunset very prity" on the bottom. It was priceless. I can't wait to get that for a keepsake!

This week at school has been a lot better. I think he was missing his grandparents and just didn't know it.

Work went pretty well this past week. 3am sure comes early! I did pretty well getting up. I worried about Wednesday morning. Tuesday was the open house night and My Honey had a meeting until after 9. I had to do the open house, dinner and get the kids down and myself in bed. I hoped we would all be done by 7:30. And we were. In fact I think we were all asleep by 7:40! Yay us!

Scammer

Don't mess with Dispatch.

One of our Dispatchers answered a call the other day from a man with a very thick middle-eastern accent, who said he had a delivery for her. She asked who the delivery was addressed to, because we often receive calls for other agencies through our center. He said that's why he was calling, he needed her name and address to make this delivery. Smelling a scam, she played along. She fished for all the information possible from this man including the name of his business, the number he was calling from and how he go the number he was calling.

He wasn't forthcoming with information (imagine), but she persisted.

He told her that he had some prize money for her to claim (although he didn't know her name or address) and she would have to get him a cashiers check for $200 to claim her 1.2 MILLION dollar prize. She was so good. She told him nothing personal, asked if she could have some time to think about it and could he call her back in a few days?

Fast forward two days - he called back! She laid into him. Told him she thought he was scamming her, that he should be ashamed of himself for taking money from innocent people and that she would never, under any circumstances give him any money or her name.

The best part of this whole scenario is that all the phone calls took place on recorded lines in our dispatch center. She made a CD of the whole thing, took it to one of our friendly Detectives who is going to use it to warn others about this potential scam. He has already taken it to a local talk-radio show to play it and to the Senior Center to let them have a listen so they know whats out there!

The moral of the story is NEVER give out personal information on the phone. Ask for a name of the person you are talking to, a business name and a call back number if what they are offering sounds legit. If they are legit they'll provide all this for you and allow you to call back. If its not legit they'll start to tell you things that don't make sense. Things like, this is a special offer, you have to decide now, you can't call back because I won't be here, the phone number goes to a large center or something like that.

Be smart. She could have been out $200. And then I bet they would have called back and asked her for more and more. Don't let it happen to you.

Week from Hell

Let me tell you a little about the saga that is my life the past few days.

Back to work Monday was THE WORST. We had a computer upgrade ... yeah, it didn't go so well. I walked in after being gone for 10 days without knowing. Just let me say it sucked ass. Literally, I didn't know how to do my job. It was a hellacious 12 hour shift.

Ready to crash at 1am, I go home, go to bed. 4:00 am (yeah, less than 3 hours after I went to bed) Punkin Head wakes up. For nearly TWO HOURS. Pretty much I think life sucks at this point. My Honey got up with her and I tried to sleep for a few more hours.

Tuesday things weren't much better at work. Just a bad atmosphere. The upgrade hasn't been so slick. The program has a lot of flaws for dispatch. Exhausted after another 12 hour shift, I crash and burn at around 1:30 am. Guess what? Yeah, she woke at 4:00 again. I am so tired today that I don't even remember how long she was awake, it might have only been 30 minutes. Either way it totally screwed up my sleep. Not only that, I had THE WORST call of my career. I take that back, it wasn't the worst call, it was the worst circumstances for my responders I have EVER dealt with. Hurt men on the lose with guns. The suspects ended up flagging down the aid crew that was on the way to standby at the house where the homeowner had shot an intruder. That is the most stressed I have ever been about responder safety EVER. I was physically ill. It all worked out, the bad guys are in jail and the homeowner is not injured. But can you imagine? The other sucky thing about this call is it was a minimum of a 45 minute response by law enforcement. His house is in BFE. It is by far one of the longest, and THE most stressful call I have ever handled. (On the bright side a nice letter went into my file about how well I handled it. The third such letter this month - yeah, you know it. I rock.)

And then (yes there's more) my MIL (babysitter) called yesterday at around 11 to ask if I could arrange for someone to watch the kids for awhile, she needed to see the dermatologist and they had an appointment at 11:30, she didn't know if she would be at my house in time for me to be on time for work. This rarely happens, so I am nto angry plus Wednesdays are our heavy staff day, so I was able to call out for a couple hours - which was nice. I got off at 11 pm (after only working 8 hours!!!) thinking I would get 2 extra hours of sleep. HAHAHAHA. The joke was on me. Punkin Head was awake when I got home. We hung out for a bit, I tried to feed her thinking she might be hungry and then I put her back down. She played in the dark until 1am when I finally went in and told her to go to sleep. No more playing (or something like that). Finally she complied and I got around 5 hours of sleep in a row. But I am toast today. Lucky for me I have an extra kid around! Bubba and his cousin are playing nicely outside and I have a few minutes to myself. Not long, they will be in soon to ask to swim.

So that's the week from hell. OH, and during all this, I am taking Bubba to swim lessons every morning and Punkin Head to a parent tot class twice. Crazy I tell you. Crazy.

Sunscreen & Chlorine

That word, "chlorine" doesn't look right. But spellcheck says it is so it must be.

That's the past week summed up. Everyone has enjoyed the pool this past 100 degree week. My tan self included. When I am not working that is.

I happened to be at work when the first huge fire of the season started this weekend. No kidding, we probably handled 50-80 calls each in a 20 minute span when this thing took off. The whole north end of my fair city is toasted. Black, black, black. There are some great aerial shots at the (only) local newspaper website. I just hope the dumb ass that started the fire with his fireworks gets ticketed (at the very least). Who plays with fireworks in a dry field on a windy day???????

I say "first huge fire" because we live in an area where fires are the norm this time of year. The fire departments have a whole plan for it, but its always a bit of a learning curve when the first one actually takes off. And its usually in a forested area, not a rural area. Thank goodness, there hasn't been any loss of homes or injuries that I am aware of. There were several hundred evacuations on Saturday night and into Sunday, but the wind has pushed it away from the residential areas.

More later, have to run to work.

Changed

Well, Bubba came back from Portland a little more .... grown up.

Its kind of strange, he seems a lot more independent since he came home. From that first day of playing in his room alone to sleeping ON THE TOP BUNK to his "aura" he is just a little more grown up. All of a sudden he seems like a big kid, not a small child anymore.

We went for a walk the other morning that passed his new school. As we were talking and passing by he all of a sudden exclaims he has a tummy ache. Curious, he was fine when we left. So I ask him if he might be nervous about going to school, and is that causing his tummy ache? Maybe he says. So we spend a little time talking about it. He was nervous about making friends. So I reminded him of his first days of preschool and how he made friends there. Later that day we had a new babysitter. Bubba had never met her and they hit it off right away. They were chatting it up, becoming fast friends (quite honestly, this happens for him very easily, making friends is the last thing I am worried about when it comes to school). Just before I left for work I noticed a teachable moment.

"Hey," I said looking from him to the babysitter. "What just happened here?"
"I dunno" he replied.
"You made a new friend." I told him. He pondered it a moment and then agreed with a grin that he did. So I told him that's how it would be at school too. That he won't have any trouble at all making new friends.

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Work has been hellacious. Busy and lots of overtime. At least the 12 hour shifts are going by pretty fast. It sucks that they are such the norm and a 10 hour day feels like a short day. And then there's the crap too. I notice myself being sucked in, being a part of the problem. I need to turn it around before it becomes my obsession.

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My dad and his wife and Little D are coming over tomorrow. I really shouldn't be sitting here posting anything, I need to vacuum, sweep, change the guest bed, put away laundry (that is sitting on the guest bed) straighten up the living room, family room, run a cloth through the bathrooms, and do the dishes before I go to work at 1. Seems like maybe I should have kept my Girl Thursday for the summer after all. Maybe I will call her, shoot with all this overtime I should spend it somewhere right? The challenge was leaving he an empty house. Oh yeah, that's right.

Fragile, handle with care

Well, they're off. Grandma picked Bubba up an hour ago and they're headed to Portland. It sure is quiet around here already. Punkin Head didn't sleep well last night so she is already down for a nap, My Honey is at work so its just me for another hour or so.

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There's this gal that I knew when I worked at the YMCA. She was definitely a lost soul. Didn't really seem all there all the time, her significant other took pretty good care of her, but she wasn't one I thought would be good on her own. I didn't know it it was mental illness, drugs, alcohol or all of the above.

I'll call her Vee. We didn't really become "friends" but we got to know one another a little over a couple of years of her coming in regularly with her son and significant other. She was one of those people I knew had suffered some kind of trauma, I just don't know what kind.

Anyway, she quit coming in, I went to work for the police department. The only way we stayed in touch was that she was a police "regular". (Turned out to be all of the above).

She went missing almost a month ago. She was located yesterday. I am not shocked at the circumstances, I had the feeling she would be located not return, if you know what I mean. But I am still a little saddened.

Vee is the third person (its always in 3's right?) that had some kind of impact on my life that has died in some tragic way in the past 7 months. First Jen, my yogi, was killed in a car accident, then my high school friend Kelly committed suicide, now Vee. So I guess I am just not sure what to make of it all. Part of me realizes its just a phase where people are dying, phases like this happen. Another part goes who's next and yet another part wants to move toward a deeper spirituality to find meaning in it all - if that makes any sense.

I guess I want to explore the "impact on my life" part. Kelly was a deviant really. Very nice guy but into drugs, probably a little deeper than I realized at the time, although I knew he was using back then. As far as impact? Well, maybe I am one of his "5 people you meet in heaven" (after a suicide, well that's a philosophical debate for another time) I dunno. I'm not even sure what I am trying to say. Guess I better sit with it awhile longer, see what comes out.

I wonder if there will be a memorial service for Vee? I am acquainted with her sister, I wonder if she would like to see a familiar face there?

In the mean time I am quite fragile.

Training

I am in a "Situational Leadership" class this week.

No, I didn't re-apply for a supervisor job (although there were 2 openings posted recently) I am going as a trainer, and to develop myself.

It had actually been very good. Kind of intense for me. It has given me words for my shortcomings. Words, but not solutions. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to take a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person and teach her how to pre-plan? If stuff mostly gets done anyway, whats the point?

How to take a functionally disorganized person and help them to put order to the things that need to get done? Re-direct me, give me the website, the book, the tools to learn these skills. I am a great coach, its the directing stuff, the breaking something apart to explain it ... any way.

Its kind of like sewing a dress. I can take a pattern, measure out the fabric, cut it out, get all the pieces there, but the actual assembly of the project - sometimes I just lose interest by then. Or I get part way through and go "this isn't fun anymore." Certainly I know what has to be done, I can see what the end is going to look like but somewhere I just lose motivation.

So it has been a good class. Now for the application. How will it look in my life next month? Like another book on the shelf? Maybe. I hope not.

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Punkin Head is nearly walking! WHEW!! She is over 18 months old now. Its pretty cute. She is standing on her own, actually standing herself up in the middle of the room and building the confidence to get herself going. It's fun. Maybe she can teach me about taking steps, follow through, motivation?

Memorial Day

Over Memorial day weekend Bubba and I talked about what it is ... That is to say with my limited understanding, I told him it is to honor service men and women who have died fighting wars.

We talked about cemeteries, funerals and a few other things related to dying. He is familiar with funerals, he attends funeral dinners with Grandma because she coordinates them for her church and sometimes he tags along because I am at work, so the idea isn't foreign or scary to him.

Anyway, we are at a local park today for the farmers market (mmm fresh snap peas) where there is a rock with a memorial on it dedicated to a woman who had a vision for a parks system to run along the river. I asked him not to play on the rock, I really don't know if its okay (proper) and he asked why so I told him it was a memorial. "Oh, did someone die?" I told him yes and started to read the memorial to him. He stood there, took off his hat and listened. It was quite touching to me. That all these things I tell him actually take hold and his actions reflect that he REALLY DOES HEAR ME. Thank goodness because I am just about hoarse from all the yelling this past week.

In other news, another one bites the dust at work. We are so short staffed now. One trainee didn't make it through the most recent academy, we have someone leaving in two weeks, one of our gals had a stroke last week (no shit! she is in pretty good shape, but will be out at least a month) and to top it off, the most recent "she's no longer with us" memo. Sounds like a long summer full of 12 hour shifts. UGH. Oh well, cha-ching. That's probably the only thing that will get me through.

I will say this: I so made the right choice stepping down from the supervisor group. I am not sure I would have agreed with this most recent situation, but I wasn't asked either. And its "nun-ya" anyway. Totally an admin decision, and thankfully I don't have to defend it.

Great news

I have been worrying off and on about Kindergarten. Where to send Bubba. Private or public school. We had mostly decided that private school might be an unreasonable expense since one of us felt that both kids should eventually attend the same school (not me). So I was pondering the district we reside and trying to figure out how to know what to do (read: trying to get my way).

At Bible Study Wednesday morning, one of my friends announced her brother-in-law is going to be the principal at that school. The best thing is that I went to school with said BIL and he is great! He has excellent leadership skills, is very even tempered and I think he is someone I could talk to if there is an issue. Yay for us. Plus Bubba gets to go to school with his Best Buddy. So the big project next week is getting the registration paperwork filled out.

I found a listing for a job with the school district. . .
Pays pretty well, but not quite what I make now. BUT Summers off. Day time hours, every weekend off, holidays off. Christmas break off, Thanksgiving off. Thinking about applying. Maybe I could teach an aerobics class or two a week to make up for it? Maybe I could spend less. (Are you kidding me??) Do I really want a new job? How DO I want to spend the next bit of my working years? How many dammed years to I have left to work? 15, 20? Just thinking about it.
** update: apparently I'm not looking for a new job. This turned into a really unpleasant evening discussion. ** (Or maybe I just didn't get my way. Jeez, I can be a brat.)

More

I worked an overtime shift today and we had some calls of note that I reviewed. 3 of them were attempted suicide and two were stabbings. From a Monday! Its times like these when I wonder how I stand it. Do I really belong in Dispatch?

How do I walk into a place where we talk about things like suicide and perverts as a part of our regular conversation. "Hey, did you see the suicide call? How about that perv arrested at the park?" Then I go home, and act like nothing happened? What makes me the kind of person who isn't totally bombarded by those calls emotionally and spiritually? What keeps me from being like them (the ones we deal with)?

So here we go into the busy season. Best not to dwell on it too much or it will be too much.

Two stories

Story one:
(I had to wait and see if this one would be published or not, since it was, here we go)
Ronald McDonald was assaulted at the Fat Fest in the Park during Kids Day Sunday!
Not entirely funny, but it was. Apparently on a dare some kid ripped his wig off. They wanted to arrest the kid but Ronald McDonald wouldn't give his real name so the kids got off. (No victim, no crime.) We are a sick group of individuals in Dispatch. The general comment about Ronald was that he must be a sex offender or has warrants for his arrest so he didn't give his name. It was the best story of Sunday.

Story two:
The best arrest of Saturday goes to: Well, this one hasn't been published yet, but let me just say to the men and boys: don't stand around Triangle Park with your hands jiggling in your pockets near the cheerleaders. They arrested that pervert too. Triangle Park is where all the groups converge before getting funneled down the street for the parade. Gross. Gross. Gross. I probably could have done without that knowledge, but since I had to know, so do you!

In their hands

Well, unless it goes to arbitration, I am done with this seniority thing. I presented my case to the board in an executive session yesterday. They deliberated for 45 minutes, invited me back in and told me that they were deferring their decision until they could meet with the guild for some negotiation.

I think in plain English that it means they see my point and want to try to work something out so I don't lose 21 months of seniority. What it means is that the guild doesn't win! Yay me!! One of the Board members told me "you won your argument" the Director told me I did a nice job, very professional, unemotional, straightforward etc. And other staff said they heard from the director what a great job I did.

All I can says is "whew" I am glad its over (for now) and that I kept on keeping on. Not getting bullied by the guild. You know, that organization that isn't supposed to discriminate against employees, yeah that one. (okay, oops, I got sarcastic)


Yay me. Now I just have to sit tight and wait for the Board to do what ever it is they will do.

What now?

First things first:
It is national Telecommunicator Week. What is that you ask? Glad you asked! It's kind of like national Grandparents Day; a reason to thank and celebrate telecommunicators. What is a Telecommunicator you ask? Your local police department, sheriffs office and state or highway patrol have them, we are mostly known as Dispatchers. If you can, send a note to thank your local dispatchers for all their hard work round the clock. They deserve it. I took my son to our office yesterday, he gave a sticker to everyone working and said "thanks for being a good dispatcher" it was really cute.

Easter:
My disposition didn't improve any after a nap or better food (you were right on Seeker). I continued to be Mrs. Cranky Pants all weekend. We made it through, but it wasn't our best weekend ever.

Sick:
The kids continue to be sick. Runny nose and stuff like that. I think they have some mild allergies, everything is in bloom around here but it's getting old wiping runny noses. Not to mention the consistency of baby snot. Its like rubber cement. And it just keeps coming out her nose.

My Honey:
My Honey was also sick this past week. It started with some back pain and then worked its way into indigestion. For most relatively healthy 39 year olds it wouldn't raise red flags, but My Honey had a heart attack 2 years and a week ago. His main symptom? BACK PAIN. He was not your classic heart attack in many ways; 37 years old, no chest pain, no difficulty breathing. So we have watched his back pain all week and then throw nausea/indigestion on top of it and we were both a little stressed. So we visited the ER last night. 2 1/2 hours later we left with a prescription for a pretty heavy duty pain killer and the relief that his heart continues to work fine. We decided it would be really convenient if there was an EKG machine at Safeway like the blood pressure machines so we could just drive down and check his rhythms. Not likely to happen any time soon is it?

Work:
I am still in the midst of this seniority battle with the employee guild at work. I have to present my case to the Board of Directors tomorrow. *deep breath* It probably won't get me the 21 months back, but at least I followed through and didn't let them bully me.

Irritation

I don't know what is wrong with me but nothing, NOTHING, is making me feel good today. Not even robbing my kids' Ester basket and eating the chocolate crunch eggs. I am finding myself irritated with everything.

I was a good wife and mother today. I gave up MY massage to My Honey so he could get his shoulder worked on (yeah, I know I am the BEST WIFE EVER.) I even let him go golfing. ("Let him go" is really not what I mean, but you know...) I took the kids to an Easter egg hunt, I am trying to be nice to everyone but its just not in me today.

Bubba sitting at the table for the past 45 minutes trying to eat lunch while he sings away is BOTHERING ME. I finally set a timer for 15 minutes. "Eat by the time this goes off or you don't get any of your candy." He almost got it eaten, so I let him have the candy because I have been so mean to him today. Heaven help me. And now he is SHARING HIS CANDY with me. I am such a bad mom. I don't deserve this. Then he gave me the last one, a green one, "because its one of your favorite colors." Isn't he a gem? I don't deserve him.

It may be the transition to working nights again. Not seeing the family. Its a tough one. Its not like I haven't been here before. It used to be my favorite shift; go in at 1 pm and get off at 11 pm. Its busy at work, I get to see the kids in the morning but I miss My Honey. I guess I miss the team work of childcare. Its a tough job alone. I don't know how the single moms with more than one kid do it.

I don't know, we are going to go take a nap. Maybe in an hour I will feel better?