Two stories

Story one:
(I had to wait and see if this one would be published or not, since it was, here we go)
Ronald McDonald was assaulted at the Fat Fest in the Park during Kids Day Sunday!
Not entirely funny, but it was. Apparently on a dare some kid ripped his wig off. They wanted to arrest the kid but Ronald McDonald wouldn't give his real name so the kids got off. (No victim, no crime.) We are a sick group of individuals in Dispatch. The general comment about Ronald was that he must be a sex offender or has warrants for his arrest so he didn't give his name. It was the best story of Sunday.

Story two:
The best arrest of Saturday goes to: Well, this one hasn't been published yet, but let me just say to the men and boys: don't stand around Triangle Park with your hands jiggling in your pockets near the cheerleaders. They arrested that pervert too. Triangle Park is where all the groups converge before getting funneled down the street for the parade. Gross. Gross. Gross. I probably could have done without that knowledge, but since I had to know, so do you!