Ahh haa moment

I had an ahh haa moment the other night. My Honey and I were out to dinner and I realized as I was talking to him that I have been searching for the wrong thing.

For the past I-don't-know-how-many-years I have searched for a good girlfriend. I have had a handful of good girlfriends over my lifetime but we are all in different places now and I am (finally) okay with that, but I think I need a good girlfriend in my life. So I search, I pray and I wait. And wait. And I get lonely and depressed. That depression has been a little worse with my whole hormonal, post-partum-ness. So I talked to my doctor. She was great. Thankfully she is not the kind to do pills, she suggested that it could be a spiritual matter (probably right) and that I need a good girlfriend.

I wonder what to do. Ironically I wish I had someone to talk to. I keep thinking about what a loser I must be, what do I do that makes people not want to hang with me? Why don't people ever call me? And stuff like that. Which I don't really think is true, but sometimes I just get down about me.

My Honey does what he can to encourage me. Suggests that I call others. He sees me happiest when I am helping someone else. So I open myself up to our church group we've been meeting with regularly. I tell them that I am looking for a good girlfriend. Not that they haven't been there for me, they have. But its that one-on-one that I think I need. And I am not going to them begging for a friend, I'm just putting myself out there; here's the real me. What I really want is an awareness of others around me, maybe there is someone that I see regularly that could be that good girlfriend?

So a couple weeks go by. I am totally aware of the women in my life. I silently critique them like I did men that I dated ("men", that's funny, they were all boys I married when I was 21). And do you know what I realized? I have a good girlfriend. I have about 10. I am blessed with at least 10 women who support me in different ways every day. Some through e-mail, some at work, some as a mom, some as a spiritual confidant. I was looking for that ONE person that would be it all. But that kind of friend is now many. And I need to learn the strengths of the women around me and lean on them when I am weak where they are strong. Wow. What an ahh haa.

Do you get it? Has anyone else gone through this? I feel so much better. I really do. I kept looking for that one good girlfriend. What I have is several and I am lucky I realized it before too late. Thanks to all of you that are my good girlfriends. I am lucky to have you.