Change is in the air

Change is in the air. Without going into too much detail, I just need to talk this out.

For me work is changing. There is an opportunity to apply for two new jobs that I keep mulling over. One is a supervisor position, a job I have been doing a good portion of without the title for the past two years. The second is an operations director. A job I am qualified for on paper but I don’t think I would necessarily be good at right now in my life.

As of last Wednesday I had decided not to apply for either position. Since then My Honey and I have talked some about the supervisor job and I am unsure. His big question is this: If the job was going to be handed to you, you would have taken it right? Then why won’t you apply for it? What’s the difference? Even when I thought I would be promoted into the supervisor position I wasn’t sure I would take it. My big questions are; (1) Would I want to work as a supervisor under the potential operations candidates? Of the 3 I know have applied, my answer is no. Pretty much I am a chicken shit. I don’t want to be the beta group under a new management structure, a new management style (the 4th in 2 years) and all that goes with that. I must also consider can I work as a supervisor under these candidates and not lose my job because I don’t meet their expectations? (2) Can I work as a pee-on and not be a part of the problem? This could be my biggest challenge, almost as big as working as a supervisor. But as a pee-on I would no longer be privy to the admin stuff and maybe it would make it easier. I don’t know.

So how egotistical does this sound, lamenting about a job I haven’t even applied for, as if I would get it? And how much is that part of why I am considering not applying? What if I didn’t get it? Considering the competition, I doubt that would happen. (More ego I know, but I have been doing the job for 2 years and other candidates have not.)

So as I work this out, My Honey has acquired a new department at work. This new departmental responsibility just started yesterday but it has already resulted in several extra phone calls and working late yesterday (his first day). So as I consider this opportunity at my workplace, I also consider the effect of our jobs on the kids. What happens to them as we both get busy? What kind of pressure will I feel to be at work more, how resentful will I feel about that? How will the kids feel about that? How can I support My Honey in his new endeavor if I am too busy to even know what he is doing?

Pretty much I am not going to apply. But the deadline is the 31st if anyone has any suggestions.