I went to S & P yesterday, just as I was getting to the rink, I got a text from Coach T, she said she was on her way, and "not to be afraid of those boys." She's awesome. I noticed another player's car there when I pulled up so I was a little less intimidated anyway.
We did a lot of stick handling. My left wrist is a little sore and I had my wedding ring on under my gloves, so my ring finger is sore too. Note to self: don't wear rings. She brought some cones, so we did some zig-zagging around the cones, some approach-type drills where I had the puck, skating toward her and then tried to hit the puck into the boards to get around her, "don't look at where you're gonna hit the puck, keep your eyes on me." and we did some goal approach too where she would hit me a puck from near the net as I am skating toward the net to take a shot. This is the same thing that resulted in me smashing into the boards on Sunday night. Oh, I see I forgot to mention that.
Sunday night I was screaming down ice at full speed grabbing a pass from the corner, heading to the goal and took the boards with my knees. I blame our goalie, she likes to "encourage" us, so she is screaming at me to shoot for a goal, well I kind of did, but then lost it and crashed into the boards. I think it could have been much worse, but I heard everyone go "OOOH!" and ask if I was okay. I remember falling to my knees (we had used that in our warm up earlier) just behind the goal, and then I turned toward the boards and crashed into them at full speed, knees first, the rest of my body followed, flat out on the ice. I'm thinking it was pretty impressive. I'm pretty sure I was sassing the goalie about sassing me and just lost track of how close to the boards I was.
Back to S & P, Coach T and I are doing a similar drill and I say to her, "the last time I did this I ended up flat-out and on the boards." Needless to say, I was a little tentative at first, but we worked through it. I think that pretty much sums up hockey. Working through it. From the challenge of putting on all our gear, to that first step on the ice, to playing in the tournament this weekend (TOMORROW!!!) it's been about working through it. The fear, the frustration, the me. Working through the practices when I don't understand. Starting at the beginning of something and working through it to the end. Not knowing the steps, but going with the flow of the process.
It really is how I do life. I put on all the gear, work through the fear and frustration, and go with the flow of the process. Sometimes I leave the ice in tears, but not as often anymore. But how do you measure of success? Is it really that important? With hockey I can measure my success by the fact that I can get into my gear in less than 20 minutes. I can step onto the ice without feeling like I am gonna fall on my ass. I can stop. I can change directions pretty good now. I can receive and hit the puck. I'm playing in a tournament. But in life? I guess sometimes I get dragged down because there's no way to measure success. Could be I just haven't set any goals so there isn't anything to measure. And I have to ask again: Is it really that important? I think it is, just from the mental point of view. Small goals with hockey have kept me from giving it up. From walking off the ice in tears. Seems like it would work that way in life too.
here to capture 2010 in a word. I'm thinking the phrase "working through it" sums up a lot of 2010.