I've been thinking about this post for awhile. It requires me to reveal stuff ...
It's about... the locker room.
What are your best locker room memories? Don't have any? Me either.
My earliest locker room memory is junior high, or did we call it middle school? There was this girl, I was totally jealous of her tan. One day I remember changing in the locker room and noticing her shoulder blades had white circles on them but the rest of her back was tan. Turns out it was where she was laying in her tanning bed.
Next up, high school. These memories are a little harsher. I remember once there was a rumor of a girl being pregnant, I just happened to be in the locker room when she found out she wasn't pregnant, she and her gaggle of girlfriends were so relieved (high drama moment). I also remember being teased in the locker room. This happened in junior high and in high school. I was really thin. Really. I'm 5'8 and weighed about 115lb in high school (not so much anymore). Skin and bones. I remember girls being mean, saying things about being so skinny, asking if I was anorexic, telling me I must throw up after I eat, stuff like that. It wasn't that great. I ignored them, what else can I do? It wasn't worth the energy to tell them they don't know what they are talking about. I shared this story with a friend who considers herself overweight, not that long ago and she was astounded that "skinny girls got teased too."
In my 20's I worked at the YMCA and part of my job was teaching aerobics in the middle of my work day. It required a shower. In a locker room. At first I was really intimidated because a lot of my students were showering at the same time and I had some "issues." Talk about awkward. Finally I got over my bad self, but I have never been that comfortable talking with someone else in the shower or while I am naked. Ever.
Now I'm 40. I've had two kids. My ass is sagging and I have no boobs (never did). I find myself a little self conscious in the locker room after hockey. All the uncomfortable memories from high school come up as well as remembering there was a time 15 years ago when I felt fine changing clothes in front of people I worked out with. It's been tripping me out since I started playing. Slowly I am getting used to it, but it's still weird.
I'm not sure what the lesson is here. I guess just to acknowledge even though I am older, wiser, more mature and self-confident, the shit that happened, things people said, have stayed with me for a long time.
Hannah is still sick. (I know!) Her fever isn't as bad, but its still there. Her Dr. called me yesterday morning (yes, he CALLED ME) to let me know there wasn't anything definitive in her blood work. They had some concerns because of some lymph-something so they did a swab to check for cancers and there was nothing found "at all". That was actually a relief because I was starting to go there. Fever, lethargy, achy legs, bloody noses ... But since her fever persisted he wanted to see her and we made an appointment for today. She had to have blood drawn (again) and another throat swab. The blood was to check again for mono the swab was to check again for strep and a chest x-ray to check for pneumonia.
She is a trooper, the blood draw was a piece of cake, the strep swab tho -- ewwicky. Never fun. She threw a fit and struggled and we just had to hold her down to get it done. Gag, cough, drink of water and a sucker later she was all good. And the x-ray was easy too. The Dr. came in to tell me the chest x-ray was clear and I said "dang" because we would have at least had something to go on. We shared a laugh while the blood gals kind of thought we might be crazy. Hey, we are on day eleven, it would be nice to have a diagnosis!
The Dr. called awhile ago, she definitely has ... mono.
Ugh. That means quite a few more weeks of stay at home-ness for her. No school. No ice-skating. We shall see if she can go to my games this weekend. :( It also means that my Dad and his wife won't be coming over. Yeah, who wants to stay in a house infected by mono? I am bummed, but its for the best. We don't need to over-do it with Hannah or expose any more people. As for work .... I am already scheduled for a 1/2 day tomorrow and it's my long weekend. Hopefully she will be fever-free next week and she can stay with Grandma.
We did a little creating today: