Sitting

Been sitting on a couple things this week.
My last hockey practice. Maybe I just don't want to cry about it?
A post I read that really got me thinking.
Which do you want to hear about first? Oh, I know one of you is screaming "hockey" right now, but I think I'm gonna save it. If I write about it, it's true that it's over for now.

The post is by an author I read years ago, when I first got into reading blogs. Her Seasons post made me wonder about the word bloom. My comment "...As for being in winter, or spring or full bloom? I’m not going to ignore the question, but I am going to sit with it for a few. My first thought is I have never been in full bloom, but, on second thought, maybe I have, to a degree."

Later, I looked up the word bloom. It means something so different than I thought. I thought it was a place you arrived. Not a process, not "a state or time of being". I asked myself "have I ever been in full bloom?" I sat down and wrote a list of times where I have been in bloom, according to the definition I found. Here's my list:

When I went to Haiti in high school
When I trained for and did the triathlons
When I play hockey
When I run
When me and My Honey work on the budget
When I am a mom
When I am a wife

That list is fluid, none of those are things I have "arrived" at or am the best at, and I NEVER WILL BE. And I'm getting okay with that. Like a flower, I am sporadic, I open a little at a time, sometimes I wilt, but I always come back. Stronger, or wiser or both.

As for hockey. It's bringing tears to my eyes thinking about it. I guess I'm not quite ready to write about it yet. It didn't end badly. It just ended. I guess I'm grieving it a little.