I have felt like a misfit at times. While others were getting invited to parties and out for drinks or whatever I sat home feeling a little sorry for myself (okay, sometimes A LOT sorry for myself.) I have often commented to My Honey that I felt like I was forgotten or invisible to others. And thought to myself that I must be unremarkable.
It has tested my courage to be sure. Some of it is about putting myself out there, trying new things that sound interesting, and getting involved. Not waiting to be asked. Just showing up.
Recently, like the Thursday before last, I was invited by a teacher at Bubba's school to a jewelry party. "Sounds fun!! Someone thought of me!! I must be okay!!" I checked in with My Honey and he said okay.
I had a great time at the party (not caring what others thought, but being "me" at the same time) I connected on a social level with a couple new women and I got reminded about a long-time wish; women's hockey.
About 5 years ago (FIVE?? holy crap!!) our babysitter and a friend of hers, invited me to play women's hockey. I thought it sounded great (!) but never got around to it that year or the next, or the next ... Fast forward to that Thursday night and someone totally unrelated is bringing it up. Telling me about practice and once again I feel a stir. Like it's something I should try. NOW. I check in with My Honey and get the same type of response as usual, "if you want to, but when will you find the time?" I sent our old babysitter an e-mail to find out more.
That Sunday (a week ago) I have not heard from the babysitter, but I see the friend and all she says is "6:00 tonite?" And I know. It's time. So I tell her someone mentioned it Thursday and I am very interested. She invited me over that day (that day!!!) to get suited up. So I did it. I went to her house, got suited up in all the stuff I need to play women's hockey.
I don't ice skate.
I've NEVER played sports.
But what the hell.
So I show up on Sunday and get ready to practice. It was pretty phenomenal. I'm not sure I feel like I belong, but I feel like I am making progress, like it was a step in the right direction of finding ... hmmm, finding something out about me I guess.
I showed up again on Friday morning for practice. I really do like it. A lot. I don't feel like I am doing it for anyone but me. No one has any expectation of me so I am not letting anyone down at all if I don't skate well or I don't ever figure out how to stop (it's an art form!) There is no expectation of performance, no requirement to do well or be the best or to take care of anyone but me.
It took courage to say yes to the party which led to hockey and I am really, really grateful I have not given up on myself. I still see me as having potential.
You have potential too my lovlies.
It's never too late. I am taking up a team sport as I near 40.
Have I mentioned its'my 40th birthday in less than two weeks? EEEEEEKK!!!!