Introduction

I am going to an "inductive" Bible study on the book of John. As we were discussing it today, the facilitator said something about journaling ... Of course the first place I thought of was here, I keep some paper journal too, but not much and not very often (kind of like here). And I wonder how it will all work out - or if. But I have wanted to talk it out so here goes.

We have gone through 2 introduction weeks. We read books 1-9 the first week then books 10-21 last week. (Well that's the idea anyway). I feel challenged in a lot of ways. Challenged because I still don't get what the whole "inductive" thing is. Somehow it is supposed to involve all your senses/abilities by making you search for the information. Challenged because its harder to read the passages without the section breaks. In a regular Bible they have "Jesus feeds the multitudes"-types of section headers. For this study, they pre-print all the text by chapter and verse, but without any "Jesus feeds the multitude" types of headings and it really throws me. And challenged because I feel like I don't get it yet. Hopefully, after the introduction weeks that will change. (Note to self: it would help to read the whole weeks lessons in advance to know whats coming up, you missed a very key thing this week. And last week.)

I did find as I was reading (and re-reading) the passages that I wasn't as moved by some things without the section headers as with them and I was surprised. How is it I could read about the crucifixion and not be moved? But I was reading with a different purpose I guess. I don't know, I am still trying to get a handle on the whole thing.

But anyway, I am glad to be going, I am glad for the challenge of it and I am glad that Punkin Head is doing well with the babysitter.

I am also glad that my shift changes on Monday, that the weather is mild, and that I have a 4 day weekend (woo hoo).

Practical Application

I love to read. I read lots of different stuff. Most recently I am reading The Five Love Languages of Children. Its full of great stuff about how kids (and adults) need to have their "love tank" filled regularly and it goes into the 5 ways that our tanks get full. Physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service and words of affirmation. I have tried to figure out my own love language on several occasions and I just don't know. Sometimes it seems to this and sometimes that.

Last night I read the chapter on acts of service. It speaks to being a parent which is the ultimate act of service for 18 years plus "active duty" after that. And how exhausting it can be physically, mentally and emotionally. (No kidding).

Fast forward 8 hours or so. I wake up to get going this morning, I go into the kitchen and 3 light bulbs are burnt out. Not just one, but THREE. (I don't know how, it just happened.) Since I am master-light-bulb-changer, I get to work. I get those done, start to make breakfast and Bubba yells to me "Mom I don't have any clean jeans, and I checked the laundry and there aren't any there either." You're kidding me, right? Nope, no clean jeans and nothing in the laundry room either except a BURNT OUT BULB. So I go to work and get that one changed too.

About now I am ready to do some yelling and screaming about how APPARENTLY, I am the only one that knows how to do ANYTHING AROUND HERE, and I remember what I have read about words of affirmation and I wonder who I will destroy if I choose to loose my temper. Because I have been there. I have had my spirit crushed by words thrown out in anger and frustration by an unthinking, reactive parent. And its taken me years to get over it. And I realize that its a strong secondary language for me, but acts of service would probably be numero uno.

Now the challenge of explaining that to My Honey.

The things I am proud of looking back to this morning are that Bubba is self sufficient. He knew where to look and took the initiative to check for jeans before he had a meltdown and that I was able to reach DEEP inside and keep my cool.

Catch up

(Well, got caught up on my drafts)

Its just been busy. Work, school, life.

My Honey has been working hard on our driveway. We sit on a high corner and the driveway tends to collect water in mass quantities right where we park. So a rainy day equals a flooded driveway, wet shoes, wet pants, big mud puddle, the whole works. He dug out some of the old dirt and rocks, leveled it better, built up the end of the driveway at the edge of the road and then we got a load of gravel. And then it rained. And there wasn't a puddle in the driveway. My Honey is my hero.

I am sitting here watching Punkin Head (who is nearly TWO YEARS OLD) play with a necklace and the dog. She keeps wanting to put it around the dogs head so she calls the dog "eer oodie, m'ere." But the dog just sits there. So she goes to the dog and puts the jewels on her. Rudy just sits there and lets her because Rudy is the best dog ever. Then Punkin Head says "der go." Its just so dang cute.

She has been so good the past two weeks with babysitters. We have had several new childcare experiences and she has done so good. She took a fall off the steps out front recently. Face plant onto the "welcome" mat. More like the sandpaper pile. It put road rash on her poor baby skin face from her eyebrow to her mouth. Of course the first thing I think when I see her in the mornings is "will this scar?" Pathetic huh? She is such a nutty thing. Funny how kids in the same family can be so different.


Bubba is doing fine at school. I sense some tough days coming, he is having more meltdowns at home. I don't know what the underlying issue is ... I need to do some investigating on that one. I have heard several times this week that he misses his old school so there is something. When I asked what he missed he said "art class" so maybe its just as simple as planning a craft each week on Thursday or Friday? I guess I could try that. Goodness knows we have the resources. Books, supplies etc... Although it could be that he misses Grandma, she has been gone all week.

And work. Well it goes on. I change back to day shift (3am to 1pm) at the beginning of October so that will be nice. Evenings with the family and all that.

Busy

(Also continued/finished on 9/20)

Shew! Last week I got my life back into full swing with Bubba's school, work and my own social life. It was nice to re-connect with the Women's Bible study gals after all Summer. I will miss them when my schedule changes but already got myself connected in another Bible study so I feel good about that. I also got involved in our school's Site Council. Essentially its a grade-level representative from each grade, the principal, school psychologist and a parent representative (me) meeting to review learning issues. From what I gather reading, special education and math are big issues (although our school has the highest WASL scores in the two county area) and its difficult to schedule extra help for the teachers when it fits into their daily schedules. I have a lot to learn but I think it will be fun.

Parties

(I started this a couple weeks ago, thought I'd finish 9/20)

I so love parties, but I so hate them.

The memorial service was very,very nice. Each of the kids shared a memory of their mother. Talk about tear-jerker. How about the one that was supposed to have her as his core teacher and helped prepare the classroom and went to school last week and she wasnt there? But it was beautiful and they chose to speak, they weren't made to which was really sweet. The two youngest really leaned on their father who was proud as can be and the two older ones were just funny and sentimental.

After there was a party at a local athletic club. Thats the part I hated. We got there, ate and stood around as I identified people to My Honey. "Oh, thats so-and-so he/she was this or that." But did I go say Hi? Nope. Not my style. First of all, would they remember ME? Second, they're talking to someone else right now. That kind of stuff.

The same thing always happens. I would rather watch the crowd from a distance than be involved. And I am perfectly happy, enjoying myself a lot.

Vacation

How lucky am I to live just 30 minutes from here? It was just beautiful yesterday. The weather is still warmish (80's with some wind) and I really enjoyed my time alone. Unfortunately it was a little bright for any good photos and there weren't as many colors turning as I thought yet.




My 10 days off were great. I enjoyed being able to get Bubba into the school routine. We walked to school several times which was just wonderful for me. I need more exercise. I was able to can peaches and tons of pears, thanks to my notes from last year it made it really easy and motivational. I cleaned a bit and just got kind of settled for the next few months. I had a massage, haircut that kind of stuff. It was nice.

And we had a 3 day weekend as a family. So we cut down a tree!



I know, what about the birds, what about what it gives to the environment. So what? Have I ever told you what it did to my house and yard?? It had yellow needles that it shed each spring, they would track into the house on everyones shoes, pile up in the yard, in the entry way, all over the welcome mat. And it had red berries, sticky, yucky, not suitable to eat by human, red berries that fell off of it every fall. They were so gross. I am so glad to see it go. Plus I got to run the chipper, I was such a stud-chick. Not quite as cool as My Honey when he pushed the tree down, but close. That's one of the greatest things about My Honey; he will let me try anything. Unlike the Man Of The House I grew up in, who was through and through chauvinist "You want to do what? How do you even know what that machine is called? You're a GIRL." My Honey will let me try the power tools, often offering to teach me how something works. Like the chipper and the chainsaw. I told him no thanks to the chainsaw, maybe later.

So the tree is gone, the pantry is stocked, Bubba is off to school and I am relaxed. That was my vacation. Well, most of it, there is also the part about going to my first PTO meeting (I am such a nerd), my first meeting with Bubba's teacher (even more nerdy) and a meeting with the Principal (the ultimate nerdy, I am looking into volunteering on a committee).

Well, maybe not nerdy, but I am trying to get myself involved in the school somehow. I just don't want to watch my kids waste time or grow bored like I did. Not that parent involvement would have changed that, but maybe. One never knows. Plus, the more eyes and ears I have watching out for my kids the better right? The more involved I am the less likely they are to act out right?

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I went to visitation at the funeral home yesterday. I hemmed and hawed not sure if there was a point to it. Coincidentally it was at the same place where I went to my first funeral ever, and where my friend Jen's life was celebrated last year. I am glad I went. Mike seemed pleased to see me, shared a few stories and left me for a few minutes to say goodbye. You know, I don't think he was pleased, more like honored. Yeah. Honored. I stuck around a few minutes, I wanted to say a few words to him alone, I heard a few more stories that gave me more peace and then had the chance to say thanks. Thanks for allowing me in their lives, for sharing his wife with me when I needed her, to which he replied "It was our honor, Renie always felt that way."

Tomorrow is the memorial service. I am sure the church will be packed. I am sure I will cry a bucket of tears. My Honey is so good to me, he made arrangements for a babysitter in the morning so he could go with me. I hadn't even asked him. What a guy. And tomorrow I return to work. Thankfully I should have some time to get myself together between the service and work.

Breathe

Breathe it in
Breathe it out
Listen to your heart beat
Theres wonder in the here and now
Its right in front of you and
I don't want you to miss the
Miracle of the moment.
(Steven Curtis Chapman)


I have been hearing that new song on the radio lately. Its one of my favorite Christian artists Steven Curtis Champan. It reminds me to breathe in and out, it reminds me that even when life is just, well unfair, and seems to be coming undone that there's a miracle in every moment.

A good friend and strong influence on my life 20 years ago passed away early yesterday morning. She had battled colon cancer for the past two years. We knew it wasn't curable, her death wasn't unexpected but dang! She leaves behind a husband and 5 kids. Yep FIVE. They range in age from 6th grade to first year of college. The oldest was able to speak with her on the phone from college, in Montana, just minutes before she died. Can you imagine? What must his flight have been like. Coming home to a new household, a new family order, a new life. Every time I hear that song these past few days (I heard Sunday she wasn't doing well) I cry a little for the kids. I cry a little for her husband and I cry for myself too.

Someone asked me on Sunday why I had taken the week off. I told her it was my scheduled vacation, from a pick last year. But now I know why.