Oh the guilt

Punkin Head. She needs to sleep through the night. Every night, starting about a year ago. So we work on it. And by "we" I mean I. It is tough to let her cry it out. I just cant stand it. I try to tell myself "just 5 minutes" or what ever arbitrary time-frame I choose but I rarely make it.

So last night I tried again. I heard her at 1:30 ish, talking to herself. No need for me to even think of checking on her. About an hour later she sounded like she was trying to sleep, just a few wah-wah's here and there (every 4 minutes if you must know). Then she was quiet for about 30 minutes. Then she was wah-wahing again. This went on until around 4am. Finally all was quiet and I didn't get up to check on her a single time. I was pretty pleased. Exhausted, but pleased. And, bless his heart, My Honey seemed to sleep through the entire thing.

At 6 when she was awake and sounded like she needed a bottle, I delegated it to the one who slept through the night so I could get a few extra minutes of shut-eye. I hear him make the bottle, change her (messy) diaper and put her back to bed. All the while I am not getting any extra shut-eye at all, I am listening to them thinking "wonder how long she had that messy diaper? I really should have checked on her at 2 or 2:30 or 3 or 3:30 ..." So My Honey comes back to bed, tells me something about not feeling guilty for letting her cry it out. And I try not to feel guilty.

At 8 something, Punkin Head wakes for the day. I go into her room and the first thing I notice is the SMELL. I smell puke. So then I start to feel bad for not checking on her at 7-ish when I heard her fuss a little. Only then I realize its not from 7 am its probably from way, way, way earlier than that. Maybe from when she went to bed last night. I have no way of knowing. Except that I could have known if I had checked on her last night.

But don't worry about it, there's no reason to feel guilty.