Surprises?

I found out today that a guy I went to high school with died in January.

The obituary really didn't say much but I have a friend who was living near him a couple years back so I call her to see what happened. He committed suicide. Somehow I knew. I read the obituary and I knew. I called her and she described the few months before his death and I knew. Even before she told me he took his own life, I knew.

I wish my old friend Dawn had known. We live in the same town (I think) but never see each other. She called after she heard Kelly had died. Only she hadn't heard what happened. So I told her. And in typical Rainey style I didn't think through what I was going to say and it didn't come out very well. I hope I eased her into it, but I don't think I did. And I am sorry for that. She was quite devastated. He could very well have been her "first love" 20 years ago. I know she cared deeply for him. And he for her. His daughters middle name is Dawn.

I dd get it together enough to ask her if she was alone or if she had someone home with her. She said she did, her kids were there (the oldest is at least 14 by now) and she was going to call her mom and cry for awhile. But what a dope I can be. Ugh.

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Other surprises this week include family friends splitting up after 25 years of marriage. Another situation that really didn't shock me.

How calloused am I that suicide and separation don't even make me bat an eye? No, I'm not on any anti-depressants right now. Is it the job? Dealing with death and divorce issues all day every day I just don't even have any feeling toward it anymore? No, I don't think that's it at all. Re-read my November posts. When my friend Jen died I was devastated. I just re-read it myself, and I am crying again for her family. I do still feel. I just don't feel these two situations. Interesting. Maybe after his memorial service on Saturday? I told Dawn I would be there. Maybe I can make up for being the bearer of bad news made worse? I sure hope so.

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And the final surprise? Flowers! And I didn't even ask for them. My Honey brought them home to me tonight. Roses. Nice. And as for our nooner tomorrow. Cancelled. The babysitter (mother in law) is leaving town and needs me to come home at 1:00. Bummer. The flowers, definitely a surprise. The cancelled nooner, not so much.